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The fear I felt froze every inch of my body, but you didn’t even hesitate

I cared about you and yet you took my kindness and my trust and shattered it into millions of pieces.

Your arms and hands were so strong, I didn’t have a chance. The pain and all the bruises you left on my body were nothing compared to the utter powerlessness I felt when tried to pull your hands away from my body, when I looked into your eyes and I begged you to stop, when I said no and you just put your cold hand firmly over my mouth… Then you did exactly what I feared you would do.

My body froze and my heart was beating so loud. The fear I felt froze every inch of my body. But you didn’t even hesitate.

I can forgive everything and I don’t want to hurt you back – I just want to get away from that suffocating powerless feeling that haunts me every second of every fucking moment of every fucking day. The feeling that no matter how much I tried to get you to stop, you didn’t. You crushed my most sacred boundary.

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31 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. righteousbruin9
    Jun 12, 2019 @ 19:11:30

    I am furious with men, with people, who don’t respect another’s boundaries, dignity and future well-being. You are resilient and wondrous, in spite of those feelings. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  2. ashleyleia
    Jun 12, 2019 @ 19:18:28

    It’s been amazing to watch you take back your power after such a terrible thing.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  3. The V Pub
    Jun 12, 2019 @ 19:36:33

    It’s a crime against humanity. He’s such a monster. You, on the other hand, have amazing power and grace. Keep on being amazing, so many will read your story and see your strength as a model for them.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. susanneharring
    Jun 12, 2019 @ 19:41:05

    Sending you lots of hugs and I hope that you with time can find a peace within. I know exactly how you feel 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. Beyond A Mothers Mind
    Jun 12, 2019 @ 20:20:50

    Such passion, love this. I hope you can heal, and find calm and peace. Love

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. davidjhopcroft
    Jun 12, 2019 @ 20:58:50

    These are the scars that never heal, I am so glad that you have a boyfriend to try and help you heal and two lovely children to make your life have purpose. Live your life with the love you can show them and may they never have to endure what you did.

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

  7. benjaminlee
    Jun 13, 2019 @ 13:11:56

    I’m so sorry. I hope there is justice. I can’t imagine how difficult it was to share that.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. One-Recluse
    Jun 13, 2019 @ 16:36:05

    Wow. Such vivid imagery, that’s a terrible thing to happen anyone. It’s amazing how much inner strength you have to openly express that ordeal. I truly commend and respect you, and pray that in time those feelings will dissipate.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  9. An Ordinary Girl
    Jun 14, 2019 @ 04:32:35

    👐 courage to all survivors out there. I wrote something similar a few years back – https://priyaparulblog.wordpress.com/2018/03/29/white-and-red/ .

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. thisisgeorgegordy
    Jun 14, 2019 @ 15:25:03

    I’m really sorry this happened to you.

    Like

    Reply

  11. thereluctantpoet
    Jun 14, 2019 @ 18:28:36

    Oh, My Dear! My heart aches for you and what you had to experience. As a father of two girls reading your post made my blood boil!!! You are such an amazing person to be so full of forgiveness! I will pray for your scars to heal and the memories to rapidly fade! You need to be proud of yourself for not letting this break you! Your children and loved ones are truly blessed to have you in their life!!!

    You are so blessed to be a teacher! When asked, “Who has had the most positive influence in your life” most people answer with the name of one of their teachers!! I have no doubt that you will be invited to many of your students future graduations!!
    I am so blessed with your writings! They really reach out to my heart and I love to share them with my followers because I know they will feel the same!
    Bless You, My Dear!
    LAH
    Chuck
    xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. thereluctantpoet
    Jun 15, 2019 @ 01:15:11

    Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  13. Didis Art Design
    Jun 15, 2019 @ 04:22:21

    Dear friend,

    It touched my heart too to read your words: there are still people in this world they behave like animals, not having learnt yet to adhere to the dignity of man, to respect personal boundaries. I feel so sorry for you that you had to suffer so much and go through such a terrible situation. It is a deep hurting of your psyche and that takes time to heal.

    Go on with your courage to overcome this event and anchor your attention in the present, my dear friend.

    For all your coming days I wish you inner peace, harmony, and happiness.
    All the best, my friend
    Didi

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

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