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Love all that you are and appreciate everything you have been through ๐Ÿ’–

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Your past made you who you are today but your NOW is even more valuable ๐Ÿ’–

Your past is of value because it made you who you are today. But your NOW is even more valuable because you can choose to NOW let go of all hurt, all pain and all feelings of being a victim, you can let go of all guilt, all blame, all resentment and all insecurity and begin to replace those emotions and thoughts with hope, optimism, self-love, kindness, respect and appreciation.

NOW is the only time when you can change. No one else can do it for you, only you. Choose to let the success stories of others inspire you, and begin right now. One small though at a time, be gente, kind and loving toward yourself in the process.

Let those painful experiences inspire you to now blossom into your full potential ๐Ÿ’–

It doesn’t matter what you have been through or what you are currently going through – everything can be of value to you, it is only a matter of perspective. You can choose to let it inspire you to blossom into the confident, happy, free and empowered being you truly are.

Sexually abused, raped, bullied… can you ever feel good again? Of course!!!

My father was an alcoholic, I was sexually abused by several older boys when I was 6 years old, I was bullied in school, had reading and writing difficulties, got anorexia when I was around 8-9 years old, was raped by two guys when I was 17, ran away from home two weeks after that, was physically and mentally abused for almost two years by my boyfriend (when I was 17-19 years old) and had to go to trial twice before he ended up in jail, my parents died, I had an abortion and the man of my dreams cheated on me. ๐Ÿ˜‚ need I go on?

I hated myself and life for almost 30 years before I began improving my thinking about me, about everyone that had ever hurt me and about life. I managed to turn my thinking around and today I feel nothing but appreciation for everyone that ever hurt me and everything that happened to me – because it all inspired me to become the woman I am today. Strong, free, happy, confident and empowered. If I can do it, anyone can.

A people pleaser learning to say no

Going through all that shit made me the beautiful, hard, shining diamond I am today โค

Feeling blue – go for blue, pink or red ๐Ÿ˜Š

Whenever I feel sad I always change clothes – putting on something blue, pink or red always brings me relief.

  • Do you have a special color or a special clothes item that always makes you feel better?

In the end, it doesn’t even matter

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

Linking Park

My nightmare came back – I faced it this time and it had an awful ending

Ok so my nightmare came back- the same nightmare I have had over 30 years now. The scenery is always the same, there is something very evil and dangerous after me and my only way of protecting myself is to lock a door between me and the evil thing who wants to hurt and kill me – and the door is always impossible to lock. I do all the right things, I lock the door perfectly but it is always unlocked anyway. So scary.

This time I was in my grandmother’s old house, I was alone with my two little babies and it was really dark because it was in the middle of the night.

An evil man was out there trying to get to me and my babies. I did everything I could to quickly lock the door but of course it remained unlocked no matter how hard I tried to lock it. The man came seconds after I tried locking the door and I just held on to the door handle as hard as I could to keep the man from coming in but it was impossible because he was so strong and I was too weak. He forcefully opened the door immediately and I knew we were in deadly danger. My only thought was that I have to protect my little babies, no matter what.

This is where the dream turned worse because it usually ends there. Now I was forced outside in the dark night and the evil man started beating me up. He used his fists and he kicked me as hard as he could, I protected myself as strongly as I could but more evil men came to help him. It felt like such a losing battle but I never gave up, I kept protecting myself and my babies. Finally I managed to call the police, who didn’t even want to know where I was, they just said they would get there. The fight continued for what felt like an hour and suddenly the men changed their tactic when they realized the police might get there soon. They started cutting me with a knife and hurt themselves really badly with their own knife too just to make it look like I was the bad guy, like I was the one attacking them. It felt so sick!

Then the evil twist and evil ending came – an evil devil magician turned up. His face was hideous and his eyes were glowing green with pure evil. I don’t know why but he just turned up and smiled an evil smile at me as he saw how much the other men hit me, I cried out to him “can you help me with these men?” And I regretted asking it the second I said it. He smiled and said that he was happy I asked for his help. Then he touched the men and they turned into beautiful, perfect, good people – the evil man who had hit me the most and had been so filled with blood and wounds that he had inflicted himself with, he turned into a beautiful blond princess-looking good person. Immaculate. And the other men turned into perfect looking good-guys. Immaculate. Then the evil devil magician waved his magic at me and everything changed. I was completely naked, dirty, black hair, drunk and was sitting on a bed inside the house completely passed out. My babies were still outside, alone. Then the police came.

I was aware of everything that had happened all of a sudden, from a broader perspective like I had been watching a movie. And suddenly I was looking at the whole scenery like a movie, I was no longer the woman in the movie. I was me, watching this movie with my boyfriend and I remember saying how much I hated this movie, that the ending was so evil, so unfair and that Steven King must have directed this movie.

Then I woke up.

So weird. I guess the best part was that in the end it turned out to be just a movie.

Once a bad guy always a bad guy? No ๐ŸŒน – he has a good heart and a kind soul

Ok this evening something happened that made me think a little. My ex, the one I moved in with when I was 17 who hit me a lot and hurt me physically and mentally for 1 1/2 years before he went to prison for what he did to me, started following me on instagram tonight. It felt weird.

I blocked him on Facebook many years ago after he sent a friend request… and I have not thought that much about him since… until two days ago when we were in Jรถnkรถping. He walked passed us when we were out shopping in Jรถnkรถping. I never even thought he would look me up and follow me on instagram though.

As I told my boyfriend about this he got really upset and said it was not ok and that I should block him immediately. But I didnt at first. Somehow I feel like I am tired of running away from my past. This was a guy I fell in love with when I was 17. A guy I lived with for 1 1/2 years. A guy who I know has a good heart and a kind soul who has been through a lot of horrible things as a child. I don’t blame him at all for how things played out when I was with him… 18 years ago. I was a completely different person back then, I had no self-esteem and I was so incredibly insecure. Of course we were a perfect match back then and our insecurities and trauma brought out the worst in us. But I don’t blame him – the fault is mine just as well.

We had our experiences together and I feel nothing but appreciation for the lessons it taught me. I want peace. I want relief. I want to let go and lovingly move on. I want to say I am sorry for everything, I want to say thank you for the experiences and the lessons and the growth I have been gifted with since this time. Thank you and I wish you nothing but peace, love and happiness in all aspects of your life. ๐ŸŒน

But, after giving it some thought I decided to block him anyway. He might have good intentions and all that but for me it feels like relief to not have him following me at all.

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