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A people pleaser learning to say no

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No ❀

Make room for what makes you feel alive

Just say no – walk away

You are under no obligation to please the people that make you feel uncomfortable. Trust your emotions and honor yourself by following what feels like relief to you. Say no, walk away… there is no need for you to justify or explain. You are entitled to say no. You are entitled to walk away. ❀

Yes! I said no πŸ˜„

I am getting really good at saying no. This week I said no to six men on facebook and instagram who wrote inappropriate things to me. I was clear and firm with my no. When they didn’t stop – (and non of them did) I just easily blocked them. Now they will never be able to see my posts, comment or contact me again. Feels awesome! No more polite turn downs – I have a right to just say “no”. It is MY choice.

I also said no to this person who has asked me for money somewhere around ten times since September. He always asks me at night, at the same time of the month, and he always wants me to keep quiet about it. Well – no more! I said no straight away tonight when I got his message. He didn’t even bother to reply but it felt soooooooooo good to finally say no! 😊

I am loving this fresh and new approach to life, people and most importantly to myself. I honor myself by listening to what feels good to me and what feels off, if it feels off I choose what feels like relief instead. Way to go, me! πŸ˜„πŸŒΉπŸŒΉπŸŒΉ

The stalker came back a third time!

Ok, this time I was really mentally prepared. At 8pm the doorbell rang a couple of times. I knew it would be this old man again, my instincts told me so.

My boyfriend checked who it was through the window again and yes, it was my stalker. I asked my boyfriend to open the door and let this man know we don’t want him here anymore. I stayed right behind my boyfriend the whole time. The old man had more gifts for me – more bread that he had baked – but my boyfriend said no in a very firm way and the old man quickly went away.

I no longer feel afraid of this man. It still feels uncomfortable but I am no longer worried. If he comes back again I feel confident that I can deal with the situation easily.

Being nice and polite is not always right – a painful childhood memory

This is something I have never written about before, and only a few people know about this. When I was around 7 years old I loved taking my teddy bear (actually a panda) out for a walk in my red toy-stroller. My parents allowed me to walk around the block alone, which only took 5-10 minutes. One cold but sunny day when I was out doing this, all alone, a foreign man approached me. I guess he was around 45-50 years old, dark hair and tall. It all happened so quickly. He gestured toward me that he wanted me to come to him, and I wanted to be polite so I obeyed. When I was close to him everything about him changed, he quickly placed his hands on either side of my face and forced my face close to his and kissed me. I still remember his tongue pressing into my mouth and the strong minty flavour of his mouth. I panicked, I was trapped and I didn’t know what to do. No one was around, no one saw us. His car was just a few meters away and he grabbed my hand saing “come” and gently tried to pull me to his car. Somehow I managed to get my hand back, shook my head no and began walking very quickly in the direction of my home. He called after me, as I turned my head to look at him, he gave me a blow kiss in the air and he still gestured that he wanted me to come back to him. I soon began running and tears were streaming down my face. I told my mother what happened the minute I got home and she rushed out to our car and went to find this man. She never did. She went to the police but they never found him either.

In this situation I tried to be nice and polite. I stopped when he approached me and wanted to talk to me. I didn’t scream, kick or bite – I was too chocked and afraid to do anything.

🌹🌹🌹 🌹🌹🌹

The event that happened tonight with the old man who has begun stalking me and who approached me in an uncomfortable way two days ago triggered this memory to return.

Not once did I write about this in my book or on my blog. I think I have only told this to two or three people, and it was probably 10 years ago.

There are millions of memories in my past, just like this one, that I never speak of. I tell people about some of the other things that have happened to me, like that my father was an alcoholic, that I was sexually abused at the age of 6 by three older boys, that I was bullied in school, had reading/writing difficulties, had anorexia, was raped by two boys when I was 17, ran away from home, lived in an abusive relationship for almost two years, my mother died when I was 18, my father died a few years after that and much more.

I kept all these things a secret within me the first 20-something years of my life. Never told anyone what was happening to me. Now that I have begun sharing my story a little (I am 34 years old now) I realize there are so many more pieces in this puzzle, so many more events that I have kept hidden for so long.

It actually feels refreshing to get it out in the open and finally letting it go. I will no longer carry these heavy secrets within my heart, I will let them go and finally be free. ❀ Stay tuned for more memories that I will let go of – which I may choose to share, or not. In either case I will no longer keep them hidden within me, I will open my heart and set them free.

I will no longer sacrify my own wellbeing in order to be kind, polite and well-behaved. I refuse to fit in, I refuse to be ashamed, I refuse to feel guilty, I refuse to blame. Instead I embrace myself, trust myself, value myself, honor myself, support myself and love myself in the process of letting these memories go.

Thank you dear rascal for triggering this memory in me, thank you for inspiring me to once and for all stop being so bloody nice and start valuing and trusting my instinct. 🌹

Lending money – saying no because you care β€

Here is a brief update on the lending money topic I wrote about a few weeks ago. I have been asked to help out a very close friend financially every month for many years now, and I still do it. However, more people come to me for financial help – one of them is a person I hardly know. Today I got a message again from her, asking me for money. It just does not feel right anymore – so I finally said no. She has parents, her boyfriend has parents and they have lots of close friends. I and my boyfriend are on our own. Neither one of us has any parents and no one else around. Still I have helped this woman financially many times and at the same time given money to another friend almost monthly and my very close friend as well.

I have to listen to my own inner guidance and what feels best to me. This person who I hardly know will no longer get money from me. I have not given her any money since last time I wrote about this. However I will continue to help out my very close friend and occationally my other friend, as long as it feels ok. Most importantly, I will encourage their own financial independence. ❀

🌸 Say no more often – valuable attention, benefical work and satisfying love πŸŒΈ

Don’t do things that feel off to you – don’t just smile and say yes when every inch of your being wants to scream no! Say no and walk away! Honor yourself, care about what matters to you. Listen with love to your body’s messages – if it feels off, it is off.

There is no value in forcing yourself just to please othersstart being real, listen to your inner guidance and follow what feels better to you.

The attention, work and love you give from a place of feeling good and honoring yourself, that is valuable attention, benefical work and satisfying love.

Dare to say no if it feels off to you!

Trying to be a people pleaser is very detrimental to your own emotional balance. You can’t do something you don’t really want to do, just to please someone else, without telling yourself that you don’t matter. And believe me, your every cell is listening 24/7 to the messages you send it. You send it messages with the thoughts you think, the words you speak and with the actions you take. If you want to know how your body feels about your messages, pay attention to your emotions. If you feel anything less than good, then your body is taking a hit from what you are currently doing, saying and thinking.

It is time for you to value yourself, to care for yourself and most importantly: it is time for you to love yourself.

One part in loving yourself is listening to what matters to you, what makes you feel good, what you desire, what you believe and what feels right to you. This means saying no when something feels off. Saying no does not have to be wrong or bad or something negative. It is just a choice! Choose what is right, choose what feels like most relief, choose to value how you feel.

Stop going against yourself in order to please someone else! It is not your job to please someone else – to be pleased is an inside job. Just like happiness. Just like love. Just like satisfaction. Just like any other emotion there is. It is all an inside job. ❀

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