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Don’t give up, even the darkest of moments will pass 💖

The past years have been rather dark for me, not as pitch-dark as the first 24 years of my life, but still. Each new day is a step in the right direction.

Never give up, no matter how hopeless and dark your life might currently seem to be – it will pass. In the meantime, distract yourself as best you can. Reach for things that make you feel better and allow yourself to be soothed. For me it is delicious food, music, massage, sex, working out and trying on clothes that make me feel better. These things make me feel better temporarily, while I work on my thinking at the same time – one small step at a time. I will never give up. 💖

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Sexually abused, raped, bullied… can you ever feel good again? Of course!!!

My father was an alcoholic, I was sexually abused by several older boys when I was 6 years old, I was bullied in school, had reading and writing difficulties, got anorexia when I was around 8-9 years old, was raped by two guys when I was 17, ran away from home two weeks after that, was physically and mentally abused for almost two years by my boyfriend (when I was 17-19 years old) and had to go to trial twice before he ended up in jail, my parents died, I had an abortion and the man of my dreams cheated on me. 😂 need I go on?

I hated myself and life for almost 30 years before I began improving my thinking about me, about everyone that had ever hurt me and about life. I managed to turn my thinking around and today I feel nothing but appreciation for everyone that ever hurt me and everything that happened to me – because it all inspired me to become the woman I am today. Strong, free, happy, confident and empowered. If I can do it, anyone can.

You are good, it is ok and your life will get better and better 💖

You’re hot, then you’re cold – fuck you life

The first half of the day was really cold, I had to wear my autumn pants and a long sleeved top at work. But when I got home the weather had become a little warmer so I chose a shorter top for the afternoon.

The weather has been really weird the last couple of days. It has been super cold – almost like autumn. And today it was very bi-polar like 😂. Cold, then hot … then cold, then hot again… kind of like my mood lately. A lot of things have happened and are happening around me and I have not yet found my emotional stability.

Sometimes I just want to give up, say fuck you to life and run away. Just thinking that thought brings me a little relief. Fuck you life. Fuck you work. Fuck you new assignments. Fuck you annoying person at the day care center. Fuck you.

Yes indeed, it does feel better. I guess can stay in this general negative place for a while before I reach for more relief in more positive, general thoughts.

Your life is your canvas, each day is a new page

Imagine if today was a blank page… you could fill it with what ever your heart desires… it would be so different from yesterday’s page… full of color, light, passion and zest… full of ease, pleasure and satisfaction…

Your life is your canvas. Each day is a new page. Feel free to fill each new page with what you desire most. Let no one dim your light, let no one tell you what you fill your page with… follow your heart, listen to your calling and enjoy filling today’s page with what you desire most.

Once a bad guy always a bad guy? No 🌹 – he has a good heart and a kind soul

Ok this evening something happened that made me think a little. My ex, the one I moved in with when I was 17 who hit me a lot and hurt me physically and mentally for 1 1/2 years before he went to prison for what he did to me, started following me on instagram tonight. It felt weird.

I blocked him on Facebook many years ago after he sent a friend request… and I have not thought that much about him since… until two days ago when we were in Jönköping. He walked passed us when we were out shopping in Jönköping. I never even thought he would look me up and follow me on instagram though.

As I told my boyfriend about this he got really upset and said it was not ok and that I should block him immediately. But I didnt at first. Somehow I feel like I am tired of running away from my past. This was a guy I fell in love with when I was 17. A guy I lived with for 1 1/2 years. A guy who I know has a good heart and a kind soul who has been through a lot of horrible things as a child. I don’t blame him at all for how things played out when I was with him… 18 years ago. I was a completely different person back then, I had no self-esteem and I was so incredibly insecure. Of course we were a perfect match back then and our insecurities and trauma brought out the worst in us. But I don’t blame him – the fault is mine just as well.

We had our experiences together and I feel nothing but appreciation for the lessons it taught me. I want peace. I want relief. I want to let go and lovingly move on. I want to say I am sorry for everything, I want to say thank you for the experiences and the lessons and the growth I have been gifted with since this time. Thank you and I wish you nothing but peace, love and happiness in all aspects of your life. 🌹

But, after giving it some thought I decided to block him anyway. He might have good intentions and all that but for me it feels like relief to not have him following me at all.

“What about the criminals and all the evil deeds?”

Emotionally in a very dark place this year

This year has been really tough on me so far, emotionally I have been in a very dark place almost every day. No wonder I keep getting sick again and again and again. But it is ok, this is just a brief moment of my entire life journey, I will feel better again. And until I do – I will make the best of each moment. ❤

How to solve all your negative, emotional patterns

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Sometimes all you need is to take a step back, take a deep breath and allow yourself some time to relax. You are the main character in your life and even though people around you might want you to do a lot of things for them – you have to decide whether you want to do these things or if you want to do something else.

There is no value in trying to please everyone at work, at home and all your friends while you burn your own candle at both ends. Give yourself a moment to relax and find your own inner peace. Ask yourself what matters most in life for you. What do you want to do with your life? How do you want to live? How do you want to feel? Begin in these general terms in order to generate general answers – it is a lot easier to begin in a general way if you have been in a negative emotional place, too caught up in the specifics of the situation. So, keep going general in your questions: What matters most to me at work? How do I want to feel at work? What do I enjoy most? Continue to ask general questions about the topic you are thinking about. If it feels slightly off, then you have gone too specific too soon. Just back away again and think about your life. What matters to me in life? What brings me joy in life? And so on.

You don’t have to solve all negative emotional blocks all at once, nor can you. It is enough that you give yourself a gentle, relaxing break mentally and that you go more general in your thinking until you feel better.

Rest, reset and recover 🌟

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