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You’re hot, then you’re cold – fuck you life

The first half of the day was really cold, I had to wear my autumn pants and a long sleeved top at work. But when I got home the weather had become a little warmer so I chose a shorter top for the afternoon.

The weather has been really weird the last couple of days. It has been super cold – almost like autumn. And today it was very bi-polar like 😂. Cold, then hot … then cold, then hot again… kind of like my mood lately. A lot of things have happened and are happening around me and I have not yet found my emotional stability.

Sometimes I just want to give up, say fuck you to life and run away. Just thinking that thought brings me a little relief. Fuck you life. Fuck you work. Fuck you new assignments. Fuck you annoying person at the day care center. Fuck you.

Yes indeed, it does feel better. I guess can stay in this general negative place for a while before I reach for more relief in more positive, general thoughts.

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Your life is your canvas, each day is a new page

Imagine if today was a blank page… you could fill it with what ever your heart desires… it would be so different from yesterday’s page… full of color, light, passion and zest… full of ease, pleasure and satisfaction…

Your life is your canvas. Each day is a new page. Feel free to fill each new page with what you desire most. Let no one dim your light, let no one tell you what you fill your page with… follow your heart, listen to your calling and enjoy filling today’s page with what you desire most.

Once a bad guy always a bad guy? No 🌹 – he has a good heart and a kind soul

Ok this evening something happened that made me think a little. My ex, the one I moved in with when I was 17 who hit me a lot and hurt me physically and mentally for 1 1/2 years before he went to prison for what he did to me, started following me on instagram tonight. It felt weird.

I blocked him on Facebook many years ago after he sent a friend request… and I have not thought that much about him since… until two days ago when we were in Jönköping. He walked passed us when we were out shopping in Jönköping. I never even thought he would look me up and follow me on instagram though.

As I told my boyfriend about this he got really upset and said it was not ok and that I should block him immediately. But I didnt at first. Somehow I feel like I am tired of running away from my past. This was a guy I fell in love with when I was 17. A guy I lived with for 1 1/2 years. A guy who I know has a good heart and a kind soul who has been through a lot of horrible things as a child. I don’t blame him at all for how things played out when I was with him… 18 years ago. I was a completely different person back then, I had no self-esteem and I was so incredibly insecure. Of course we were a perfect match back then and our insecurities and trauma brought out the worst in us. But I don’t blame him – the fault is mine just as well.

We had our experiences together and I feel nothing but appreciation for the lessons it taught me. I want peace. I want relief. I want to let go and lovingly move on. I want to say I am sorry for everything, I want to say thank you for the experiences and the lessons and the growth I have been gifted with since this time. Thank you and I wish you nothing but peace, love and happiness in all aspects of your life. 🌹

But, after giving it some thought I decided to block him anyway. He might have good intentions and all that but for me it feels like relief to not have him following me at all.

“What about the criminals and all the evil deeds?”

Emotionally in a very dark place this year

This year has been really tough on me so far, emotionally I have been in a very dark place almost every day. No wonder I keep getting sick again and again and again. But it is ok, this is just a brief moment of my entire life journey, I will feel better again. And until I do – I will make the best of each moment. ❤

How to solve all your negative, emotional patterns

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Sometimes all you need is to take a step back, take a deep breath and allow yourself some time to relax. You are the main character in your life and even though people around you might want you to do a lot of things for them – you have to decide whether you want to do these things or if you want to do something else.

There is no value in trying to please everyone at work, at home and all your friends while you burn your own candle at both ends. Give yourself a moment to relax and find your own inner peace. Ask yourself what matters most in life for you. What do you want to do with your life? How do you want to live? How do you want to feel? Begin in these general terms in order to generate general answers – it is a lot easier to begin in a general way if you have been in a negative emotional place, too caught up in the specifics of the situation. So, keep going general in your questions: What matters most to me at work? How do I want to feel at work? What do I enjoy most? Continue to ask general questions about the topic you are thinking about. If it feels slightly off, then you have gone too specific too soon. Just back away again and think about your life. What matters to me in life? What brings me joy in life? And so on.

You don’t have to solve all negative emotional blocks all at once, nor can you. It is enough that you give yourself a gentle, relaxing break mentally and that you go more general in your thinking until you feel better.

Rest, reset and recover 🌟

“How do I feel better when everything sucks and I feel awful?!” ❤

“And so you say, “How do I do it?” You do it by saying

It’s alright. I’m just fine. All is well. There, there. Everything is alright. Perfect place. Perfect time. This is Who-I-Am. I was born to be here. I am on my path. This is the trajectory of Who-I-Am. I’m Pure Positive Energy. Everything is just right. I could not be doing it better. I’m following inspiration. I’m getting better at that all the time. Pure Positive Energy surrounds me. I am adored. This environment that surrounds me inspires me to more. I’m constantly achieving it. I never get it done. I can’t get it wrong. All is really well with me. I feel good so much of the time. Pure Positive Energy surrounds me. All is well. It’s alright. It’s alright. Everything is alright. I’m doing just fine. I’m doing really good. Source adores me. I feel the inspiration all the time. Ideas are flowing. I receive the ideas. I get inspiration. Sometimes I don’t feel like doing something. That’s inspiration too. Sometimes I want rest. That’s inspiration too. Sometimes there is more resistance than I can overcome. That’s alright. It will return. There’s an ebb and flow in all of this. Sometimes I have more resistance. I know it. I feel it. Sometimes I have less resistance. I know it. I feel it. Everything is working out just fine. I’ve put it in the Vortex. It is inevitable. My well-being is assured. I’m supposed to be having fun here. Life is supposed to be fun. My Inner Being is delighting in the life that I have carved out. It is time for me to delight in the life that I’ve carved out.”

In other words, it’s just talking to yourself like that. No specific terms. Just general terms.”

Abraham Hicks

Why would such a beautiful girl like me hate myself for over 30 years and have no self-esteem? Here is why:

I got such a brilliant question today and here is my answer:

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents mentally abused me. I was sexually abused when I was 6 years old by 3 older guys, I was bullied in school, had reading and writing difficulties, had no friends, developed anorexia (an eating disorder) when I was 9 years old, had no friends during my entire school years, was raped by two guys when I was 17, ran away from home two weeks after that because my father’s alcohol abuse was insane and my parents were so verbally mean to me, I ran straight into the arms of a guy who physically and mentally abused me for over two years until he was sentenced to prison for it. During this time my mother died. I had to go through the two trials all alone – I had no one. I was completely alone, no friends and no one in the world that I could talk to. I did not want to live anymore – I even tried to take my own life. Then my father died, I got pregnant and had to make an abortion…and the man of my dreams cheated on me and lied about it for over a year until the truth came out in the most painful way ever… somewhere there, around the age of 24, I decided that enough is enough and I chose to change my thinking. I started working on liking myself. I did it all by myself – I never told ANYONE about any of these things that happened to me in my childhood/teenage years. It was not until I was almost 30 years old I began talking about it.

So, I guess this answers your question on why such a beautiful girl like me, hated myself for almost 30 years and had absolutely no self-esteem 🤣❤

How you FEEL has nothing to do with the way you look. I had my desired, dream body, but I hated myself and had no self-esteem for almost 30 years. Beauty does not mean confidence. You cant see how you feel, it is 100% about your own thinking – and you CAN do something about that. If I could, all by myself, anyone can. 🌹❤

Take a break from all that you are

Take a break from who you are and who you have been. Take a break from all the complaining, and all the criticism. Take a break from pointing out flaws in others, and take a break from disliking yourself.

Take a break. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and relax. Breathe out all the old ways and breathe in new, fresh, positive, loving perspecives.

Give yourself a break – you have been doing the best you could. Allow yourself the ease of making peace with it all and start fresh and new in this moment.

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