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Never give up πŸ’–

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Why would such a beautiful girl like me hate myself for over 30 years and have no self-esteem? Here is why:

I got such a brilliant question today and here is my answer:

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents mentally abused me. I was sexually abused when I was 6 years old by 3 older guys, I was bullied in school, had reading and writing difficulties, had no friends, developed anorexia (an eating disorder) when I was 9 years old, had no friends during my entire school years, was raped by two guys when I was 17, ran away from home two weeks after that because my father’s alcohol abuse was insane and my parents were so verbally mean to me, I ran straight into the arms of a guy who physically and mentally abused me for over two years until he was sentenced to prison for it. During this time my mother died. I had to go through the two trials all alone – I had no one. I was completely alone, no friends and no one in the world that I could talk to. I did not want to live anymore – I even tried to take my own life. Then my father died, I got pregnant and had to make an abortion…and the man of my dreams cheated on me and lied about it for over a year until the truth came out in the most painful way ever… somewhere there, around the age of 24, I decided that enough is enough and I chose to change my thinking. I started working on liking myself. I did it all by myself – I never told ANYONE about any of these things that happened to me in my childhood/teenage years. It was not until I was almost 30 years old I began talking about it.

So, I guess this answers your question on why such a beautiful girl like me, hated myself for almost 30 years and had absolutely no self-esteem 🀣❀

How you FEEL has nothing to do with the way you look. I had my desired, dream body, but I hated myself and had no self-esteem for almost 30 years. Beauty does not mean confidence. You cant see how you feel, it is 100% about your own thinking – and you CAN do something about that. If I could, all by myself, anyone can. 🌹❀

The absolute best moment – solitude, delicious food, darkness and rain β€

I just put my babies to bed and my boyfriend is still down in the basement playing video games as usual – now is my favourite moment. My solitude. I have made a mud cake just for me and I am going to stay here on the couch just enjoying the stillness and the soothing darkness. I love these moments!

I feel my best when I am alone, eating something delicious and when it is dark and rainy outside.

  • When do you feel really good?

How to move on from these unwanted experiences and feel good again β€πŸŒ±

You feel the way you do because you think the way you do – and you can do something about that!

You are never limited by your past, present or future experiences – the only thing that limits you is your own thinking about your past, present and future experiences – and you can do something about that!

Realise the amazing potential to feel good that you have – right now. No matter what you have been through or what you are going through. You can’t change the past but you can change how you view it, and that will make all the difference.

There is value and benefit with everything that happens – everything can inspire you to focus more clearly on what you now know you desire and prefer as a result of this experience. How do you WANT to FEEL? Who do you WANT to BE? What do you WANT to DO?

The potential for happiness is within you, always. It truly is an inside job. Sure, it is easier to feel good when everything goes your way but there is no skill in just looking around and reaching to what happens! True skill, true freedom and true empowerment is when things are not going the way you want them to and you choose to focus on the value, you choose to be selective in your focus and you choose to let all these unwanted things inspire you to now focus more on what you now know you desire and prefer instead. That takes skill and that is the answer to how you move on and find value in everything.

Solitude is my greatest addiction πŸŒ™

When your heart is full of sadness – how do you find relief?

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Some days I do not feel like doing anything other than being alone, in the dark. How do I deal with those days? I sooth myself in many different ways. One of my favorite ways of soothing myself is to eat something delicious. Therefore, I make sure to treat myself to something delicious often throughout my days.

Sometimes it makes me feel better to look at beautiful pictures of nature, rain, the ocean… or listen to my favorite soothing music during the breaks at work. At home I usually don’t have time to relax during the days because my little babies want to play with me all the time, which also makes it easier to distract myself from my own sadness. Seeing their cute, happy faces and hearing their eager voices always makes me smile.

The best time to sooth myself is at night when everyone else is sleeping. Then I just lie in bed, enjoy the stillness around me and let the darkness of the night embrace me and sooth me. I was alone with my emotional pain for so many years as I grew up, that my solitude has become my greatest comforter now. I turn inwards when I need a break.

  • How do you sooth yourself?

The one thing that hurt me the most and ripped me apart β€

It was not the sexual abuse, it was not the physical abuse, it was not the mental abuse, it was not the eating disorders, it was not the bullying, it was not the loneliness, it was not my alcoholic parents, it was not the deaths of my parents… or any of the other things that happened to me.

I was the one who let the opinions of others affect my opinion of me, which ripped me apart.

And I was the one who decided to start liking myself again.

No matter what – YOU – have all the power you will ever need within. ❀

I am the lone wolf who thrives on solitude

I am the lone wolf who thrives on solitude. I love to withdraw my mind, body and spirit from the people and chatter around me. Nothing makes me feel more at peace than the soothing moments when I am alone.

Of course these moments are brief because most of my days I spend with my two little babies that I love and adore. I lovingly give them my full attention. The rest of my days I spend at work, helping my students who I also enjoy being with. They too need my full attention. But at night when everyone is asleep or at moments like these when I withdraw from my co-workers during the breaks to be alone – that is when I feel most alive and at peace. ❀

The unwanted experiences are of great value β€

What if all the bumps on your road where there to redirect you? What if all the things you went through that brought you to your knees actually has the potential of inspiring you to become even more confident, even more joyful, even more loving and even more empowered?

Everything that happens to you is of value – especially the unwanted experiences. When you begin to realize the potential that these gifts actually give you, now you will begin to view everything in life in a different light. πŸ’–

Fit mother of two πŸ‘

After having spent almost 3 decades hating myself and having no self-esteem what so ever, this feels like a breath of fresh air. I am loving my fit body! 

It feels so good to enjoy being who I choose to be. Finally I am in a point in my life where I like myself, my personality and everything about me. Such a freeing feeling. 

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