Advertisements

In the end, it doesn’t even matter

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

Linking Park

Advertisements

You’re hot, then you’re cold – fuck you life

The first half of the day was really cold, I had to wear my autumn pants and a long sleeved top at work. But when I got home the weather had become a little warmer so I chose a shorter top for the afternoon.

The weather has been really weird the last couple of days. It has been super cold – almost like autumn. And today it was very bi-polar like 😂. Cold, then hot … then cold, then hot again… kind of like my mood lately. A lot of things have happened and are happening around me and I have not yet found my emotional stability.

Sometimes I just want to give up, say fuck you to life and run away. Just thinking that thought brings me a little relief. Fuck you life. Fuck you work. Fuck you new assignments. Fuck you annoying person at the day care center. Fuck you.

Yes indeed, it does feel better. I guess can stay in this general negative place for a while before I reach for more relief in more positive, general thoughts.

My nightmare came back – I faced it this time and it had an awful ending

Ok so my nightmare came back- the same nightmare I have had over 30 years now. The scenery is always the same, there is something very evil and dangerous after me and my only way of protecting myself is to lock a door between me and the evil thing who wants to hurt and kill me – and the door is always impossible to lock. I do all the right things, I lock the door perfectly but it is always unlocked anyway. So scary.

This time I was in my grandmother’s old house, I was alone with my two little babies and it was really dark because it was in the middle of the night.

An evil man was out there trying to get to me and my babies. I did everything I could to quickly lock the door but of course it remained unlocked no matter how hard I tried to lock it. The man came seconds after I tried locking the door and I just held on to the door handle as hard as I could to keep the man from coming in but it was impossible because he was so strong and I was too weak. He forcefully opened the door immediately and I knew we were in deadly danger. My only thought was that I have to protect my little babies, no matter what.

This is where the dream turned worse because it usually ends there. Now I was forced outside in the dark night and the evil man started beating me up. He used his fists and he kicked me as hard as he could, I protected myself as strongly as I could but more evil men came to help him. It felt like such a losing battle but I never gave up, I kept protecting myself and my babies. Finally I managed to call the police, who didn’t even want to know where I was, they just said they would get there. The fight continued for what felt like an hour and suddenly the men changed their tactic when they realized the police might get there soon. They started cutting me with a knife and hurt themselves really badly with their own knife too just to make it look like I was the bad guy, like I was the one attacking them. It felt so sick!

Then the evil twist and evil ending came – an evil devil magician turned up. His face was hideous and his eyes were glowing green with pure evil. I don’t know why but he just turned up and smiled an evil smile at me as he saw how much the other men hit me, I cried out to him “can you help me with these men?” And I regretted asking it the second I said it. He smiled and said that he was happy I asked for his help. Then he touched the men and they turned into beautiful, perfect, good people – the evil man who had hit me the most and had been so filled with blood and wounds that he had inflicted himself with, he turned into a beautiful blond princess-looking good person. Immaculate. And the other men turned into perfect looking good-guys. Immaculate. Then the evil devil magician waved his magic at me and everything changed. I was completely naked, dirty, black hair, drunk and was sitting on a bed inside the house completely passed out. My babies were still outside, alone. Then the police came.

I was aware of everything that had happened all of a sudden, from a broader perspective like I had been watching a movie. And suddenly I was looking at the whole scenery like a movie, I was no longer the woman in the movie. I was me, watching this movie with my boyfriend and I remember saying how much I hated this movie, that the ending was so evil, so unfair and that Steven King must have directed this movie.

Then I woke up.

So weird. I guess the best part was that in the end it turned out to be just a movie.

When unwanted things are happening to you 24/7 – break the negative spell

It is so easy to just look around and react to what you are hearing, seeing and experiencing. But there is no power in that – true power lies in first choosing how you want to feel, unconditionally.

It is possible but it takes a little practice. It is easy to freak out when unwanted things are happening to you 24/7 – but someone has to break that negative spell and that someone is you. And you don’t do it by demanding the other person to change or the circumstances to go away – you do it by first choosing how you want to feel and make that feeling unconditional.

Those who hurt you are of immense value and help you on your journey ❤

🌟 Nothing hightens your potential for success as much as failure 🌟

You are a diamond in the making, don’t give up! All these negative experiences can actually be blessings in disguise! Nothing hightens your potential for success as much as failure – nothing hightens your potential for happiness as much as sadness. It is all valuable. ❤

Let each new moment bring value and benefit to all that you are ❤

If you want to feel better, if you want to feel confident, happy, in love, empowered and free… then you have to do something about that.

You are always in charge of how you feel, not circumstances or other people – only you. You are the one who chooses how to view everything, and your perspective is what makes you feel the way you do. You can do something about your perspective.

Your life is your journey and everything that has happened to you can be of value to you if you let it.

Let each new moment bring value and benefit to all that you are, let all your experiences make you even more clear about who you want to be and what you want to experience. Start looking for value in everything and everyone, and begin with yourself. ❤

Why should I think good thoughts about those evil people?

The person that needs to do something is not that person. The person that needs to do something is you! Some of those people in your life do not deserve your good thoughts. In other words, “They are bad. They are evil. They are wrong! They are inappropriate. They do not deserve your good thoughts,” and you stubbornly are not going to give them any. They may not deserve your good thoughts. But you do. You deserve your good thoughts about them. This is what the Art of Allowing is. It’s allowing my own Well-being.”

Abraham Hicks

Feeling sad and angry – remember to be kind to yourself ❤

You are who you are. Allow yourself to feel how you feel without judgement. It is ok. You don’t have to be happy and positive every minute of every day. Be authentic, be true to how you feel. Allow yourself to feel sad or angry- it doesn’t make you a bad person! Your emotions are a part of your human experience, nothing more.

Allow yourself to feel as you feel and be very kind to yourself every step along the way. You will feel better eventually, just don’t beat up on yourself while you feel bad. ❤

Let all your past experiences fuel your inner desire

You are under no obligation to be the same person you were 10 years ago, 1 year ago, 1 month ago, 1 week ago or even 1 day ago.

Who you are is based on the thoughts you choose to think now. You can always begin to choose other thoughts that more accurately reflect who you want to be, now.

Your past is over and done with and need not affect you negatively at all. You can choose to let all your past experiences fuel your inner desire and let it inspire you to focus more clearly on who you now know you want to be and what you now know you want to experience. ❤

Previous Older Entries

Follow joypassiondesire on WordPress.com

Archives

%d bloggers like this: