Advertisements

Because of all the pain and suffering – you can become the most confident, beautiful, happy and empowered person ever🌹

It doesn’t matter what you have been through or how difficult your life might seem at the moment – you can let all of it inspire you to now become more confident, beautiful, happy, loving and empowered.

Easily said but is it really true? Is it possible? Of course it is! All it takes is a very, very small desire within you to feel better. That is all. If you have that wanting, no matter how slight, then you can do it. No matter what. It doesn’t matter if you have spent your entire life hating yourself and feeling like a powerless victim – you can become the most confident, blissful, beautiful and empowered person, now.

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents mentally abused me all through my childhood until they died – whether they ment to or not. I was sexually abused by three older boys when I was around 6 years old. I was bullied in school, I had reading and writing difficulties, I got anorexia when I was 9 years old, I was raped by two boys when I was 17. I ran away from home a few weeks after that, straight into the arms of an older guy who also had an alcohol addiction and who abused me physically and mentally for almost two years before there was a trial and he went to prison. During that time my mother died. I had no self-esteem what so ever and I absolutely hated myself, I felt like a powerless victim and even wanted to end my life. Then I got pregnant and had to make an abortion, the love of my life cheated on me and then my father died. 🀣

Somewhere around that time – when I was 24 years old – I decided that enough is enough and I felt that I wanted to feel better about myself. So, I began improving my thinking about myself and everything else and little by little I blossomed into the most confident, happy and empowered woman I had always desired to me. As a bonus, I got a job I adored and still work at, got the boyfriend I desired, got huge pay raises, got pregnant twice and had my two little babies… but all of those things are just great bonuses – the most important thing is: I feel good about myself. If I could do it, anyone can. ❀

Advertisements

Being nice and polite is not always right – a painful childhood memory

This is something I have never written about before, and only a few people know about this. When I was around 7 years old I loved taking my teddy bear (actually a panda) out for a walk in my red toy-stroller. My parents allowed me to walk around the block alone, which only took 5-10 minutes. One cold but sunny day when I was out doing this, all alone, a foreign man approached me. I guess he was around 45-50 years old, dark hair and tall. It all happened so quickly. He gestured toward me that he wanted me to come to him, and I wanted to be polite so I obeyed. When I was close to him everything about him changed, he quickly placed his hands on either side of my face and forced my face close to his and kissed me. I still remember his tongue pressing into my mouth and the strong minty flavour of his mouth. I panicked, I was trapped and I didn’t know what to do. No one was around, no one saw us. His car was just a few meters away and he grabbed my hand saing “come” and gently tried to pull me to his car. Somehow I managed to get my hand back, shook my head no and began walking very quickly in the direction of my home. He called after me, as I turned my head to look at him, he gave me a blow kiss in the air and he still gestured that he wanted me to come back to him. I soon began running and tears were streaming down my face. I told my mother what happened the minute I got home and she rushed out to our car and went to find this man. She never did. She went to the police but they never found him either.

In this situation I tried to be nice and polite. I stopped when he approached me and wanted to talk to me. I didn’t scream, kick or bite – I was too chocked and afraid to do anything.

🌹🌹🌹 🌹🌹🌹

The event that happened tonight with the old man who has begun stalking me and who approached me in an uncomfortable way two days ago triggered this memory to return.

Not once did I write about this in my book or on my blog. I think I have only told this to two or three people, and it was probably 10 years ago.

There are millions of memories in my past, just like this one, that I never speak of. I tell people about some of the other things that have happened to me, like that my father was an alcoholic, that I was sexually abused at the age of 6 by three older boys, that I was bullied in school, had reading/writing difficulties, had anorexia, was raped by two boys when I was 17, ran away from home, lived in an abusive relationship for almost two years, my mother died when I was 18, my father died a few years after that and much more.

I kept all these things a secret within me the first 20-something years of my life. Never told anyone what was happening to me. Now that I have begun sharing my story a little (I am 34 years old now) I realize there are so many more pieces in this puzzle, so many more events that I have kept hidden for so long.

It actually feels refreshing to get it out in the open and finally letting it go. I will no longer carry these heavy secrets within my heart, I will let them go and finally be free. ❀ Stay tuned for more memories that I will let go of – which I may choose to share, or not. In either case I will no longer keep them hidden within me, I will open my heart and set them free.

I will no longer sacrify my own wellbeing in order to be kind, polite and well-behaved. I refuse to fit in, I refuse to be ashamed, I refuse to feel guilty, I refuse to blame. Instead I embrace myself, trust myself, value myself, honor myself, support myself and love myself in the process of letting these memories go.

Thank you dear rascal for triggering this memory in me, thank you for inspiring me to once and for all stop being so bloody nice and start valuing and trusting my instinct. 🌹

The key to my happiness? Chocolate 🀣 πŸŒΉ

For more than 15 years I have eaten 1-2 kilos of milk chocolate every week. Chocolate has been my way of soothing myself into feeling better.

When I was a little girl I used to mix flour with sugar and butter and eat, or candy, cookies… or anything else that was sweet that I could find. I even bought ginger bread dough and hid in my room. 🀣

When I had given birth to my baby girl ( in 2014 ) my desire for milk chocolate went away and I started craving Nutella instead. I ate more than 50 kilos of Nutella during my first 5 months after giving birth. 🀣 Then I got pregnant again (in 2016) and got a new craving; powdered vanilla flavoured sugar. I ate lots of it! For almost 2 years. Now my craving is mud cake – kind of like a sticky chocolate cake. I have made one mud cake every evening for the past couple of weeks now.

I have always used food as a way to sooth myself and celebrate the moment.

  • What do you enjoy eating when you want to sooth yourself?

How to move on from these unwanted experiences and feel good again β€πŸŒ±

You feel the way you do because you think the way you do – and you can do something about that!

You are never limited by your past, present or future experiences – the only thing that limits you is your own thinking about your past, present and future experiences – and you can do something about that!

Realise the amazing potential to feel good that you have – right now. No matter what you have been through or what you are going through. You can’t change the past but you can change how you view it, and that will make all the difference.

There is value and benefit with everything that happens – everything can inspire you to focus more clearly on what you now know you desire and prefer as a result of this experience. How do you WANT to FEEL? Who do you WANT to BE? What do you WANT to DO?

The potential for happiness is within you, always. It truly is an inside job. Sure, it is easier to feel good when everything goes your way but there is no skill in just looking around and reaching to what happens! True skill, true freedom and true empowerment is when things are not going the way you want them to and you choose to focus on the value, you choose to be selective in your focus and you choose to let all these unwanted things inspire you to now focus more on what you now know you desire and prefer instead. That takes skill and that is the answer to how you move on and find value in everything.

Never give up! It is never too late, there is always hope β€

Today I did it. I told the story of my life – about all the difficulties I have been through and how I turned my life around – for a room full of co-workers. I was so nervous I was shaking as I began, but I managed brilliantly to tell the whole story without crying.

This is the first time I have told my whole story to more than just one or two people at the same time. Afterwards I felt so much relief. To finally be able to speak up for myself, to tell my story and share these dark moments that I have kept hidden within for over three decades now. So powerful.

Never give up. No matter what you have been through in your life or how difficult it might seem at the moment, you can feel good again because you can improve your thinking and therefore you can improve every aspect of your life. ❀

All meals of the day are delicious, freeing and empowering meals β€

I love eating whatever I desire. It gives me such a feeling of freedom and empowerment. I wish I had known it was this easy when I was a little girl, before all my insecurities hit. But, better late than never. And most importantly – this way of eating is not not just freeing and empowering for me but for my two babies as well! They see how much I love food – all food – and how much I love my body.

What a brilliant way this is. And it works so beautifully. My babies follow their inspiration and are indeed loving all kinds of food. This photo was taken today when we were at Mc Donalds – nothing special, just a delicious meal like all other meals of the day. ❀❀❀❀❀

I follow my pleasure scale – what food do I desire the most, at the moment? That is what I choose. I eat as long as it feels really satisfying, when the feeling is not that exciting anymore, I stop.

I know my body is healthy, strong, flexible and fit. It can make excellent use of what ever I choose to lovingly give it. Because that is the key. You must love your body and love the food you choose to give it. It is all mind over matter.

I got an exciting assignment at work πŸ˜Š

Today I went back to work again, and one of my bosses asked me to do something really exciting: She wanted me to talk to all her teachers at a meeting next week. She wanted me to tell them my story, what I have been through and how I managed to turn my entire life around. How cool!

I really look forward to this! I feel so blessed to have such caring bosses that really value me and my talents. I feel so appreciated. πŸ’–

2 500 followers and 550 000 views on my blog πŸ˜

My purpose with my blog is to share what I did to turn my life around. This is where I share my thoughts and my beliefs – all the things I wish someone had told me before all my difficulties began. ❀ I want you to know that no matter what you have been through in your life or how difficult it might seem at the moment, you CAN improve your thinking and therfore improve your entire life.

❀ Thank you all for liking, commenting and sharing my posts. ❀ It feels so good to write and post here, this is my safe haven, and it feels even better that so many of you feel inspired by my posts. 🌹🌹🌹

Act like you love yourself β€

The one thing that hurt me the most and ripped me apart β€

It was not the sexual abuse, it was not the physical abuse, it was not the mental abuse, it was not the eating disorders, it was not the bullying, it was not the loneliness, it was not my alcoholic parents, it was not the deaths of my parents… or any of the other things that happened to me.

I was the one who let the opinions of others affect my opinion of me, which ripped me apart.

And I was the one who decided to start liking myself again.

No matter what – YOU – have all the power you will ever need within. ❀

Previous Older Entries

Follow joypassiondesire on WordPress.com

Archives

%d bloggers like this: