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Once a bad guy always a bad guy? No 🌹 – he has a good heart and a kind soul

Ok this evening something happened that made me think a little. My ex, the one I moved in with when I was 17 who hit me a lot and hurt me physically and mentally for 1 1/2 years before he went to prison for what he did to me, started following me on instagram tonight. It felt weird.

I blocked him on Facebook many years ago after he sent a friend request… and I have not thought that much about him since… until two days ago when we were in Jönköping. He walked passed us when we were out shopping in Jönköping. I never even thought he would look me up and follow me on instagram though.

As I told my boyfriend about this he got really upset and said it was not ok and that I should block him immediately. But I didnt at first. Somehow I feel like I am tired of running away from my past. This was a guy I fell in love with when I was 17. A guy I lived with for 1 1/2 years. A guy who I know has a good heart and a kind soul who has been through a lot of horrible things as a child. I don’t blame him at all for how things played out when I was with him… 18 years ago. I was a completely different person back then, I had no self-esteem and I was so incredibly insecure. Of course we were a perfect match back then and our insecurities and trauma brought out the worst in us. But I don’t blame him – the fault is mine just as well.

We had our experiences together and I feel nothing but appreciation for the lessons it taught me. I want peace. I want relief. I want to let go and lovingly move on. I want to say I am sorry for everything, I want to say thank you for the experiences and the lessons and the growth I have been gifted with since this time. Thank you and I wish you nothing but peace, love and happiness in all aspects of your life. 🌹

But, after giving it some thought I decided to block him anyway. He might have good intentions and all that but for me it feels like relief to not have him following me at all.

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Why would such a beautiful girl like me hate myself for over 30 years and have no self-esteem? Here is why:

I got such a brilliant question today and here is my answer:

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents mentally abused me. I was sexually abused when I was 6 years old by 3 older guys, I was bullied in school, had reading and writing difficulties, had no friends, developed anorexia (an eating disorder) when I was 9 years old, had no friends during my entire school years, was raped by two guys when I was 17, ran away from home two weeks after that because my father’s alcohol abuse was insane and my parents were so verbally mean to me, I ran straight into the arms of a guy who physically and mentally abused me for over two years until he was sentenced to prison for it. During this time my mother died. I had to go through the two trials all alone – I had no one. I was completely alone, no friends and no one in the world that I could talk to. I did not want to live anymore – I even tried to take my own life. Then my father died, I got pregnant and had to make an abortion…and the man of my dreams cheated on me and lied about it for over a year until the truth came out in the most painful way ever… somewhere there, around the age of 24, I decided that enough is enough and I chose to change my thinking. I started working on liking myself. I did it all by myself – I never told ANYONE about any of these things that happened to me in my childhood/teenage years. It was not until I was almost 30 years old I began talking about it.

So, I guess this answers your question on why such a beautiful girl like me, hated myself for almost 30 years and had absolutely no self-esteem 🤣❤

How you FEEL has nothing to do with the way you look. I had my desired, dream body, but I hated myself and had no self-esteem for almost 30 years. Beauty does not mean confidence. You cant see how you feel, it is 100% about your own thinking – and you CAN do something about that. If I could, all by myself, anyone can. 🌹❤

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