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Your past made you who you are today but your NOW is even more valuable πŸ’–

Your past is of value because it made you who you are today. But your NOW is even more valuable because you can choose to NOW let go of all hurt, all pain and all feelings of being a victim, you can let go of all guilt, all blame, all resentment and all insecurity and begin to replace those emotions and thoughts with hope, optimism, self-love, kindness, respect and appreciation.

NOW is the only time when you can change. No one else can do it for you, only you. Choose to let the success stories of others inspire you, and begin right now. One small though at a time, be gente, kind and loving toward yourself in the process.

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The sun shines brighter after a dark storm – never give up πŸ’–

Going through all that shit made me the beautiful, hard, shining diamond I am today β€

In the end, it doesn’t even matter

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

Linking Park

My nightmare came back – I faced it this time and it had an awful ending

Ok so my nightmare came back- the same nightmare I have had over 30 years now. The scenery is always the same, there is something very evil and dangerous after me and my only way of protecting myself is to lock a door between me and the evil thing who wants to hurt and kill me – and the door is always impossible to lock. I do all the right things, I lock the door perfectly but it is always unlocked anyway. So scary.

This time I was in my grandmother’s old house, I was alone with my two little babies and it was really dark because it was in the middle of the night.

An evil man was out there trying to get to me and my babies. I did everything I could to quickly lock the door but of course it remained unlocked no matter how hard I tried to lock it. The man came seconds after I tried locking the door and I just held on to the door handle as hard as I could to keep the man from coming in but it was impossible because he was so strong and I was too weak. He forcefully opened the door immediately and I knew we were in deadly danger. My only thought was that I have to protect my little babies, no matter what.

This is where the dream turned worse because it usually ends there. Now I was forced outside in the dark night and the evil man started beating me up. He used his fists and he kicked me as hard as he could, I protected myself as strongly as I could but more evil men came to help him. It felt like such a losing battle but I never gave up, I kept protecting myself and my babies. Finally I managed to call the police, who didn’t even want to know where I was, they just said they would get there. The fight continued for what felt like an hour and suddenly the men changed their tactic when they realized the police might get there soon. They started cutting me with a knife and hurt themselves really badly with their own knife too just to make it look like I was the bad guy, like I was the one attacking them. It felt so sick!

Then the evil twist and evil ending came – an evil devil magician turned up. His face was hideous and his eyes were glowing green with pure evil. I don’t know why but he just turned up and smiled an evil smile at me as he saw how much the other men hit me, I cried out to him “can you help me with these men?” And I regretted asking it the second I said it. He smiled and said that he was happy I asked for his help. Then he touched the men and they turned into beautiful, perfect, good people – the evil man who had hit me the most and had been so filled with blood and wounds that he had inflicted himself with, he turned into a beautiful blond princess-looking good person. Immaculate. And the other men turned into perfect looking good-guys. Immaculate. Then the evil devil magician waved his magic at me and everything changed. I was completely naked, dirty, black hair, drunk and was sitting on a bed inside the house completely passed out. My babies were still outside, alone. Then the police came.

I was aware of everything that had happened all of a sudden, from a broader perspective like I had been watching a movie. And suddenly I was looking at the whole scenery like a movie, I was no longer the woman in the movie. I was me, watching this movie with my boyfriend and I remember saying how much I hated this movie, that the ending was so evil, so unfair and that Steven King must have directed this movie.

Then I woke up.

So weird. I guess the best part was that in the end it turned out to be just a movie.

Because of all the pain and suffering – you can become the most confident, beautiful, happy and empowered person ever🌹

It doesn’t matter what you have been through or how difficult your life might seem at the moment – you can let all of it inspire you to now become more confident, beautiful, happy, loving and empowered.

Easily said but is it really true? Is it possible? Of course it is! All it takes is a very, very small desire within you to feel better. That is all. If you have that wanting, no matter how slight, then you can do it. No matter what. It doesn’t matter if you have spent your entire life hating yourself and feeling like a powerless victim – you can become the most confident, blissful, beautiful and empowered person, now.

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents mentally abused me all through my childhood until they died – whether they ment to or not. I was sexually abused by three older boys when I was around 6 years old. I was bullied in school, I had reading and writing difficulties, I got anorexia when I was 9 years old, I was raped by two boys when I was 17. I ran away from home a few weeks after that, straight into the arms of an older guy who also had an alcohol addiction and who abused me physically and mentally for almost two years before there was a trial and he went to prison. During that time my mother died. I had no self-esteem what so ever and I absolutely hated myself, I felt like a powerless victim and even wanted to end my life. Then I got pregnant and had to make an abortion, the love of my life cheated on me and then my father died. 🀣

Somewhere around that time – when I was 24 years old – I decided that enough is enough and I felt that I wanted to feel better about myself. So, I began improving my thinking about myself and everything else and little by little I blossomed into the most confident, happy and empowered woman I had always desired to me. As a bonus, I got a job I adored and still work at, got the boyfriend I desired, got huge pay raises, got pregnant twice and had my two little babies… but all of those things are just great bonuses – the most important thing is: I feel good about myself. If I could do it, anyone can. ❀

🌟 Let the negative experiences and hurtful people give you your power back πŸŒŸ

The nightmare again, but some progress

Last night I had my usual nightmare – the same one I have had since I was a little baby. I am back at my childhood house, something very evil is coming after me to hurt and kill me. I am all alone, it is dark outside and my only escape is to lock myself in, in a room. But as usual all doors are open and unlockable so I cannot escape. The intense fear is the same, the scenario is exactly the same but now there is one big change that I have never experienced in my nightmare before: I consciously think, “Alright I already know all the doors are unlockable so I am not even going to try to lock them. However, I will open the door when it comes and I will kill it.” I look around for a weapon of some sort and prepare myself for the moment… then I wake up.

This is huge progress because over these 30 something years that I have had this nightmare I have always felt the fear and panic and put all my energy on trying to lock these unlockable doors, in vain. This is the first time I decided to do something more productive. It felt like I kind of made the best of the situation, accepted it for what it was and decided to make the best of it – do something that I could do. Even if the evil thing never reached me, I still feel a shift within this nightmare. I kind of look forward to next time, I will continue to do what I CAN do to face this and protect myself, no more trying to lock unlockable doors.

Let your past serve its purpose – make peace with it and move on!

This is so beautiful because we are always evolving into more and more deliciousness.

Everything is of value! Everything can inspire you to grow and become more of all those things you desire to be.

Let the past serve its purpose – make peace with it and eagerly move on.

Let each new moment bring value and benefit to all that you are β€

If you want to feel better, if you want to feel confident, happy, in love, empowered and free… then you have to do something about that.

You are always in charge of how you feel, not circumstances or other people – only you. You are the one who chooses how to view everything, and your perspective is what makes you feel the way you do. You can do something about your perspective.

Your life is your journey and everything that has happened to you can be of value to you if you let it.

Let each new moment bring value and benefit to all that you are, let all your experiences make you even more clear about who you want to be and what you want to experience. Start looking for value in everything and everyone, and begin with yourself. ❀

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