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The one thing that made me feel relief when my mother died ❤

Sometimes it just seems unfair. Today I got to know that a person that I have know for many years is going to die sometime in June/July/August. Not much time life. Why?

I remember feeling the same cold, dark quietness within me when I was 18 years old, in May 2002, when a doctor told us my mother had only a few months left to live. There was nothing they could do back then either. It was cancer then too. Why? My mom died in September that year, on 11/9 2002. 4 months after we had spoken to the doctor.

When she had died I remember feeling chocked that the world around us just kept on living, that life just kept moving forward – as if her life ment nothing. I remember how painful it was for me, how many burning tears of despair I wept… the endless black hole within me. The difficulty to breathe at night, when it was dark. The anxiety and death wish I began to feel.

I remember driving home to my parents house, spending the night going through old photographs of my mother… going through her closet to find something that I could take home with me and keep as a reminder. But nothing helped until one night, shortly after. I dreamt a very strong dream. I dreamt that I went back to my parents house again, that I went into a specific room, looked up to my right at a specific spot on a shelf, that I took down a magazine holder there and pulled something out if it. Then I woke up.

The dream was incredibly intense, felt incredibly real and was incredibly clear and detailed. As I woke up I felt I HAD TO GO AND DO WHAT I HAD DONE IN THAT DREAM. And so I did.

I went to my parents house again, went into that specific room, looked up to my right on the shelf, saw a magazine holder right where I had looked in my dream. Took it down, looked inside it and found my mom’s journal from the year when her father died (when she was in her early twenties). In it she had written exactly how she felt when her father had died and how she made herself feel relief about it.

Now THAT was an incredible experience that made me feel so much relief about my mother’s death. There is absolutely no way that I would ever have gone in to that room and looked in that magazine holder if I had not dreamt that dream. No way. I had no idea she had kept a journal from that year – she had never ever mentioned it or anything about her father’s death either. I found this simply because of my dream. I knew some how that it was a message from my mother, and that belief gave me relief.

Death cannot be meaningless, death cannot be a sentence, death cannot be a punishment – death cannot be the end.

I have come to believe that death is just a shift of perspective. Yes, you leave your body but who you really are continues to live and shine brighter than ever. I have no evidence, no facts, no stories told by dead people… just my belief. It gives me comfort, it gives me relief and it makes me feel better about my parent’s deaths, my student’s death, my friends’ deaths and everyone else’s death as well, including my own.

So yes, I felt that same dark, empty quietness within me when I heard the news today, but I also feel there is meaning in life as well as in death. There is no end, only a change of perspective. He will forever live on, this is just a transition. His pain will end and this movie called his life here on earth at this time will end too, but it is not the end of who he really is. ❤

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More healing than any medication, meditation or healthy food:

The healthiest thing you can do ❤

The cause of most diseases in the body and the cure

“The mental thought patterns that cause the most diseases in the body are criticism, anger, resentment and guilt!”

Louise L Hay

This is really interesting because these are things you can work with and change. Have you read Louise Hay’s books and her story? If not, I can really recommend it. ❤

Why would such a beautiful girl like me hate myself for over 30 years and have no self-esteem? Here is why:

I got such a brilliant question today and here is my answer:

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents mentally abused me. I was sexually abused when I was 6 years old by 3 older guys, I was bullied in school, had reading and writing difficulties, had no friends, developed anorexia (an eating disorder) when I was 9 years old, had no friends during my entire school years, was raped by two guys when I was 17, ran away from home two weeks after that because my father’s alcohol abuse was insane and my parents were so verbally mean to me, I ran straight into the arms of a guy who physically and mentally abused me for over two years until he was sentenced to prison for it. During this time my mother died. I had to go through the two trials all alone – I had no one. I was completely alone, no friends and no one in the world that I could talk to. I did not want to live anymore – I even tried to take my own life. Then my father died, I got pregnant and had to make an abortion…and the man of my dreams cheated on me and lied about it for over a year until the truth came out in the most painful way ever… somewhere there, around the age of 24, I decided that enough is enough and I chose to change my thinking. I started working on liking myself. I did it all by myself – I never told ANYONE about any of these things that happened to me in my childhood/teenage years. It was not until I was almost 30 years old I began talking about it.

So, I guess this answers your question on why such a beautiful girl like me, hated myself for almost 30 years and had absolutely no self-esteem 🤣❤

How you FEEL has nothing to do with the way you look. I had my desired, dream body, but I hated myself and had no self-esteem for almost 30 years. Beauty does not mean confidence. You cant see how you feel, it is 100% about your own thinking – and you CAN do something about that. If I could, all by myself, anyone can. 🌹❤

It has been 16 years since my mother died and 10 years since my father died ❤

It just struck me that in September this year it has been 16 years since my mother died. And it has been 10 years since my father died. It feels like another lifetime.

I still miss them and I love them more now than ever before. ❤

What brought her back from the brink of death:

It is the answer to every problem and every challenge you are faced with ❤

Especially when you are going through a lot of difficulties. Maybe you have made some mistakes or you have some health issues – now is the time to be extra kind and loving towards yourself.

Show yourself unconditional love no matter what is going on around you and no matter what is going on with your own body. You could be far from the body you desire, your skin could be freaking out all over your face, you could be far from the beauty you want to experience – it does not matter. LOVE is the answer to every problem and every difficuly. Choose to look at yourself and everything else through eyes of love. Look for things you like in everyone – including yourself.

Beauty, happiness, satisfaction in life… it all starts with love, and it shines from within. Let your love radiate stronger and stronger with each passing day. Make every day a day to fall deeper in love with yourself and all of life. This is your life, you were created to be exactly as you are – and you are magnificent – of course you are loved and adored by all that is! It is time for you to embrace this love and allow yourself to feel it.❤❤❤

All that matters in life – love, laugh and shine your light brightly ❤

Even tragic events, like the deaths of loved ones, are of value ❤

My parents died a long time ago – it feels like it was in another life time – I am now stronger than ever and the most happiest I have ever been in my life. I see their death as something that inspired me to finally find my own balance and stability in life. It totally changed me – and I chose to let it change me for the better, eventually.

Everything happens for a reason, and everything can be of value – everything. It may not seem like it as it happens but if you allow yourself some time to find emotional relief, then you can slowly begin to see that this experience has brought you a gift – a gift that is very valuable. The gift of finding your emotional balance, unconditionally. Of feeling good, unconditionally. Of feeling love, unconditionally.

Even seemingly tragic events are of value and can make you stronger, more joyful, more loving, more empowered and can make you realise what a beautiful gift life.

Make the most of your life, your year, your month, your day, your hour, your moment. Be kinder to yourself and deliberately choose to enjoy life in ways that call you.

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