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Your past made you who you are today but your NOW is even more valuable πŸ’–

Your past is of value because it made you who you are today. But your NOW is even more valuable because you can choose to NOW let go of all hurt, all pain and all feelings of being a victim, you can let go of all guilt, all blame, all resentment and all insecurity and begin to replace those emotions and thoughts with hope, optimism, self-love, kindness, respect and appreciation.

NOW is the only time when you can change. No one else can do it for you, only you. Choose to let the success stories of others inspire you, and begin right now. One small though at a time, be gente, kind and loving toward yourself in the process.

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Sexually abused, raped, bullied… can you ever feel good again? Of course!!!

My father was an alcoholic, I was sexually abused by several older boys when I was 6 years old, I was bullied in school, had reading and writing difficulties, got anorexia when I was around 8-9 years old, was raped by two guys when I was 17, ran away from home two weeks after that, was physically and mentally abused for almost two years by my boyfriend (when I was 17-19 years old) and had to go to trial twice before he ended up in jail, my parents died, I had an abortion and the man of my dreams cheated on me. πŸ˜‚ need I go on?

I hated myself and life for almost 30 years before I began improving my thinking about me, about everyone that had ever hurt me and about life. I managed to turn my thinking around and today I feel nothing but appreciation for everyone that ever hurt me and everything that happened to me – because it all inspired me to become the woman I am today. Strong, free, happy, confident and empowered. If I can do it, anyone can.

Going through all that shit made me the beautiful, hard, shining diamond I am today β€

Because of all the pain and suffering – you can become the most confident, beautiful, happy and empowered person ever🌹

It doesn’t matter what you have been through or how difficult your life might seem at the moment – you can let all of it inspire you to now become more confident, beautiful, happy, loving and empowered.

Easily said but is it really true? Is it possible? Of course it is! All it takes is a very, very small desire within you to feel better. That is all. If you have that wanting, no matter how slight, then you can do it. No matter what. It doesn’t matter if you have spent your entire life hating yourself and feeling like a powerless victim – you can become the most confident, blissful, beautiful and empowered person, now.

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents mentally abused me all through my childhood until they died – whether they ment to or not. I was sexually abused by three older boys when I was around 6 years old. I was bullied in school, I had reading and writing difficulties, I got anorexia when I was 9 years old, I was raped by two boys when I was 17. I ran away from home a few weeks after that, straight into the arms of an older guy who also had an alcohol addiction and who abused me physically and mentally for almost two years before there was a trial and he went to prison. During that time my mother died. I had no self-esteem what so ever and I absolutely hated myself, I felt like a powerless victim and even wanted to end my life. Then I got pregnant and had to make an abortion, the love of my life cheated on me and then my father died. 🀣

Somewhere around that time – when I was 24 years old – I decided that enough is enough and I felt that I wanted to feel better about myself. So, I began improving my thinking about myself and everything else and little by little I blossomed into the most confident, happy and empowered woman I had always desired to me. As a bonus, I got a job I adored and still work at, got the boyfriend I desired, got huge pay raises, got pregnant twice and had my two little babies… but all of those things are just great bonuses – the most important thing is: I feel good about myself. If I could do it, anyone can. ❀

Why would such a beautiful girl like me hate myself for over 30 years and have no self-esteem? Here is why:

I got such a brilliant question today and here is my answer:

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents mentally abused me. I was sexually abused when I was 6 years old by 3 older guys, I was bullied in school, had reading and writing difficulties, had no friends, developed anorexia (an eating disorder) when I was 9 years old, had no friends during my entire school years, was raped by two guys when I was 17, ran away from home two weeks after that because my father’s alcohol abuse was insane and my parents were so verbally mean to me, I ran straight into the arms of a guy who physically and mentally abused me for over two years until he was sentenced to prison for it. During this time my mother died. I had to go through the two trials all alone – I had no one. I was completely alone, no friends and no one in the world that I could talk to. I did not want to live anymore – I even tried to take my own life. Then my father died, I got pregnant and had to make an abortion…and the man of my dreams cheated on me and lied about it for over a year until the truth came out in the most painful way ever… somewhere there, around the age of 24, I decided that enough is enough and I chose to change my thinking. I started working on liking myself. I did it all by myself – I never told ANYONE about any of these things that happened to me in my childhood/teenage years. It was not until I was almost 30 years old I began talking about it.

So, I guess this answers your question on why such a beautiful girl like me, hated myself for almost 30 years and had absolutely no self-esteem 🀣❀

How you FEEL has nothing to do with the way you look. I had my desired, dream body, but I hated myself and had no self-esteem for almost 30 years. Beauty does not mean confidence. You cant see how you feel, it is 100% about your own thinking – and you CAN do something about that. If I could, all by myself, anyone can. 🌹❀

Always the same nightmare – what does it mean?

All my life I have had the same nightmare. Ever since I was a little girl. The place might be different, the danger might be different but the scenario is always the same. Something bad (which I have never seen) is after me and wants to hurt and kill me. My only escape is to lock a door between me and the bad thing that is coming. But it is impossible to lock the door, always. I do all the technical things just right – I lock the door in the perfect way you are supposed to. But as I check the door to see if it is locked – it never is. It always remains unlocked no matter what I do.

I had this nightmare again last night. This time I had bought a new house but the back door did not have a lock at all and the bathroom door was impossible to lock. Just like always. I wonder what this means? I have had these same nightmares for over 30 years now – for as long as I can remember.

I guess it goes back to all the worry and fear I had as a child. All the nights when I could not fall asleep because I was so afraid that my father (who was an alcoholic and walked in his sleep a lot) would try to get into my room. It was really scary to wake up and hear someone’s hands and fingers against my door – feeling for the handle – and then hear the handle slowly being pulled down and hear someone enter. I was usually so petrified I could not even make a sound, totally frozen.

It was not until I was a teenager that I got a key to my own door. But still, he would still walk in his sleep and I could still hear him trying to enter. It seems logical all these night mares come from these experiences. I only wish they would end. πŸ’–

Never give up! It is never too late, there is always hope β€

Today I did it. I told the story of my life – about all the difficulties I have been through and how I turned my life around – for a room full of co-workers. I was so nervous I was shaking as I began, but I managed brilliantly to tell the whole story without crying.

This is the first time I have told my whole story to more than just one or two people at the same time. Afterwards I felt so much relief. To finally be able to speak up for myself, to tell my story and share these dark moments that I have kept hidden within for over three decades now. So powerful.

Never give up. No matter what you have been through in your life or how difficult it might seem at the moment, you can feel good again because you can improve your thinking and therefore you can improve every aspect of your life. ❀

Wake up, live life intentionally – like you love yourself!

I will be silenced no more. No more hiding the truth in order to protect my abusers. I left my insecurities a long time ago, I will never go back.

I will be silenced no more. No more protecting my abusers in order to sooth them. No more. I left all guilt and blame a long time ago.

I will be silenced no more. I will never again blame myself when someone tries to hurt me – I left my self-doubt and self-hatred a long time ago.

I will rise from the ashes, more free, more empowered, more confident, more at peace, more loving, more beautiful and stronger than ever before.

I will no longer bleed in silence. I will no longer cry in silence. I embrace all that I am – past, present and future – with love. I am ready. ❀

It has been 16 years since my mother died and 10 years since my father died β€

It just struck me that in September this year it has been 16 years since my mother died. And it has been 10 years since my father died. It feels like another lifetime.

I still miss them and I love them more now than ever before. ❀

2 500 followers and 550 000 views on my blog πŸ˜

My purpose with my blog is to share what I did to turn my life around. This is where I share my thoughts and my beliefs – all the things I wish someone had told me before all my difficulties began. ❀ I want you to know that no matter what you have been through in your life or how difficult it might seem at the moment, you CAN improve your thinking and therfore improve your entire life.

❀ Thank you all for liking, commenting and sharing my posts. ❀ It feels so good to write and post here, this is my safe haven, and it feels even better that so many of you feel inspired by my posts. 🌹🌹🌹

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