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Because of all the pain and suffering – you can become the most confident, beautiful, happy and empowered person ever🌹

It doesn’t matter what you have been through or how difficult your life might seem at the moment – you can let all of it inspire you to now become more confident, beautiful, happy, loving and empowered.

Easily said but is it really true? Is it possible? Of course it is! All it takes is a very, very small desire within you to feel better. That is all. If you have that wanting, no matter how slight, then you can do it. No matter what. It doesn’t matter if you have spent your entire life hating yourself and feeling like a powerless victim – you can become the most confident, blissful, beautiful and empowered person, now.

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents mentally abused me all through my childhood until they died – whether they ment to or not. I was sexually abused by three older boys when I was around 6 years old. I was bullied in school, I had reading and writing difficulties, I got anorexia when I was 9 years old, I was raped by two boys when I was 17. I ran away from home a few weeks after that, straight into the arms of an older guy who also had an alcohol addiction and who abused me physically and mentally for almost two years before there was a trial and he went to prison. During that time my mother died. I had no self-esteem what so ever and I absolutely hated myself, I felt like a powerless victim and even wanted to end my life. Then I got pregnant and had to make an abortion, the love of my life cheated on me and then my father died. 🤣

Somewhere around that time – when I was 24 years old – I decided that enough is enough and I felt that I wanted to feel better about myself. So, I began improving my thinking about myself and everything else and little by little I blossomed into the most confident, happy and empowered woman I had always desired to me. As a bonus, I got a job I adored and still work at, got the boyfriend I desired, got huge pay raises, got pregnant twice and had my two little babies… but all of those things are just great bonuses – the most important thing is: I feel good about myself. If I could do it, anyone can. ❤

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Being nice and polite is not always right – a painful childhood memory

This is something I have never written about before, and only a few people know about this. When I was around 7 years old I loved taking my teddy bear (actually a panda) out for a walk in my red toy-stroller. My parents allowed me to walk around the block alone, which only took 5-10 minutes. One cold but sunny day when I was out doing this, all alone, a foreign man approached me. I guess he was around 45-50 years old, dark hair and tall. It all happened so quickly. He gestured toward me that he wanted me to come to him, and I wanted to be polite so I obeyed. When I was close to him everything about him changed, he quickly placed his hands on either side of my face and forced my face close to his and kissed me. I still remember his tongue pressing into my mouth and the strong minty flavour of his mouth. I panicked, I was trapped and I didn’t know what to do. No one was around, no one saw us. His car was just a few meters away and he grabbed my hand saing “come” and gently tried to pull me to his car. Somehow I managed to get my hand back, shook my head no and began walking very quickly in the direction of my home. He called after me, as I turned my head to look at him, he gave me a blow kiss in the air and he still gestured that he wanted me to come back to him. I soon began running and tears were streaming down my face. I told my mother what happened the minute I got home and she rushed out to our car and went to find this man. She never did. She went to the police but they never found him either.

In this situation I tried to be nice and polite. I stopped when he approached me and wanted to talk to me. I didn’t scream, kick or bite – I was too chocked and afraid to do anything.

🌹🌹🌹 🌹🌹🌹

The event that happened tonight with the old man who has begun stalking me and who approached me in an uncomfortable way two days ago triggered this memory to return.

Not once did I write about this in my book or on my blog. I think I have only told this to two or three people, and it was probably 10 years ago.

There are millions of memories in my past, just like this one, that I never speak of. I tell people about some of the other things that have happened to me, like that my father was an alcoholic, that I was sexually abused at the age of 6 by three older boys, that I was bullied in school, had reading/writing difficulties, had anorexia, was raped by two boys when I was 17, ran away from home, lived in an abusive relationship for almost two years, my mother died when I was 18, my father died a few years after that and much more.

I kept all these things a secret within me the first 20-something years of my life. Never told anyone what was happening to me. Now that I have begun sharing my story a little (I am 34 years old now) I realize there are so many more pieces in this puzzle, so many more events that I have kept hidden for so long.

It actually feels refreshing to get it out in the open and finally letting it go. I will no longer carry these heavy secrets within my heart, I will let them go and finally be free. ❤ Stay tuned for more memories that I will let go of – which I may choose to share, or not. In either case I will no longer keep them hidden within me, I will open my heart and set them free.

I will no longer sacrify my own wellbeing in order to be kind, polite and well-behaved. I refuse to fit in, I refuse to be ashamed, I refuse to feel guilty, I refuse to blame. Instead I embrace myself, trust myself, value myself, honor myself, support myself and love myself in the process of letting these memories go.

Thank you dear rascal for triggering this memory in me, thank you for inspiring me to once and for all stop being so bloody nice and start valuing and trusting my instinct. 🌹

Alcohol, drugs … it is all just temporary relief, not lasting happiness 💖

Happiness – true, lasting happiness, freedom and empowerment comes from within. Not from millions of likes on a selfie, not from food, not from chocolate, not from sex, not from drugs, not from alcohol, not from money… not from anything else other than from within.

Solitude is my greatest addiction 🌙

I got an exciting assignment at work 😊

Today I went back to work again, and one of my bosses asked me to do something really exciting: She wanted me to talk to all her teachers at a meeting next week. She wanted me to tell them my story, what I have been through and how I managed to turn my entire life around. How cool!

I really look forward to this! I feel so blessed to have such caring bosses that really value me and my talents. I feel so appreciated. 💖

1800 followers!!! 💖🎉

Thank you, my dear readers! I just saw that 1800 people are following my blog and that I have over half a million views! This is awesome.

I am so passionate about sharing what works for me and how I turned my entire life around. It is such a beautiful bonus to see that so many people enjoy reading my posts as well. Thank you. 💖

My body craves your touch 

Everytime you talk to me it feels like you undress me slowly with your eyes… your every word gives me such satisfaction I can hardly breathe… just the thought of you makes me tremble with pleasure…

My body craves your touch more and more each passing day… 

You are my drug ❤

 Addicted to the attraction

Addiction – the true cause?

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