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Love all that you are and appreciate everything you have been through πŸ’–

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Don’t give up, even the darkest of moments will pass πŸ’–

The past years have been rather dark for me, not as pitch-dark as the first 24 years of my life, but still. Each new day is a step in the right direction.

Never give up, no matter how hopeless and dark your life might currently seem to be – it will pass. In the meantime, distract yourself as best you can. Reach for things that make you feel better and allow yourself to be soothed. For me it is delicious food, music, massage, sex, working out and trying on clothes that make me feel better. These things make me feel better temporarily, while I work on my thinking at the same time – one small step at a time. I will never give up. πŸ’–

Your past made you who you are today but your NOW is even more valuable πŸ’–

Your past is of value because it made you who you are today. But your NOW is even more valuable because you can choose to NOW let go of all hurt, all pain and all feelings of being a victim, you can let go of all guilt, all blame, all resentment and all insecurity and begin to replace those emotions and thoughts with hope, optimism, self-love, kindness, respect and appreciation.

NOW is the only time when you can change. No one else can do it for you, only you. Choose to let the success stories of others inspire you, and begin right now. One small though at a time, be gente, kind and loving toward yourself in the process.

Let those painful experiences inspire you to now blossom into your full potential πŸ’–

It doesn’t matter what you have been through or what you are currently going through – everything can be of value to you, it is only a matter of perspective. You can choose to let it inspire you to blossom into the confident, happy, free and empowered being you truly are.

The most beautiful curve on your body is your smile

Today was not a good day. I tried to make myself feel better in all ways I could think of but nothing worked. I changed clothes all the time but nothing made me feel better πŸ˜‚. I ended up wearing this beautiful, sexy, green dress tonight. One of my favourite dresses.

Anyway, I wish for a better tomorrow. I hope you had a good day. ❀

Going through all that shit made me the beautiful, hard, shining diamond I am today β€

My nightmare came back – I faced it this time and it had an awful ending

Ok so my nightmare came back- the same nightmare I have had over 30 years now. The scenery is always the same, there is something very evil and dangerous after me and my only way of protecting myself is to lock a door between me and the evil thing who wants to hurt and kill me – and the door is always impossible to lock. I do all the right things, I lock the door perfectly but it is always unlocked anyway. So scary.

This time I was in my grandmother’s old house, I was alone with my two little babies and it was really dark because it was in the middle of the night.

An evil man was out there trying to get to me and my babies. I did everything I could to quickly lock the door but of course it remained unlocked no matter how hard I tried to lock it. The man came seconds after I tried locking the door and I just held on to the door handle as hard as I could to keep the man from coming in but it was impossible because he was so strong and I was too weak. He forcefully opened the door immediately and I knew we were in deadly danger. My only thought was that I have to protect my little babies, no matter what.

This is where the dream turned worse because it usually ends there. Now I was forced outside in the dark night and the evil man started beating me up. He used his fists and he kicked me as hard as he could, I protected myself as strongly as I could but more evil men came to help him. It felt like such a losing battle but I never gave up, I kept protecting myself and my babies. Finally I managed to call the police, who didn’t even want to know where I was, they just said they would get there. The fight continued for what felt like an hour and suddenly the men changed their tactic when they realized the police might get there soon. They started cutting me with a knife and hurt themselves really badly with their own knife too just to make it look like I was the bad guy, like I was the one attacking them. It felt so sick!

Then the evil twist and evil ending came – an evil devil magician turned up. His face was hideous and his eyes were glowing green with pure evil. I don’t know why but he just turned up and smiled an evil smile at me as he saw how much the other men hit me, I cried out to him “can you help me with these men?” And I regretted asking it the second I said it. He smiled and said that he was happy I asked for his help. Then he touched the men and they turned into beautiful, perfect, good people – the evil man who had hit me the most and had been so filled with blood and wounds that he had inflicted himself with, he turned into a beautiful blond princess-looking good person. Immaculate. And the other men turned into perfect looking good-guys. Immaculate. Then the evil devil magician waved his magic at me and everything changed. I was completely naked, dirty, black hair, drunk and was sitting on a bed inside the house completely passed out. My babies were still outside, alone. Then the police came.

I was aware of everything that had happened all of a sudden, from a broader perspective like I had been watching a movie. And suddenly I was looking at the whole scenery like a movie, I was no longer the woman in the movie. I was me, watching this movie with my boyfriend and I remember saying how much I hated this movie, that the ending was so evil, so unfair and that Steven King must have directed this movie.

Then I woke up.

So weird. I guess the best part was that in the end it turned out to be just a movie.

Just say no – walk away

You are under no obligation to please the people that make you feel uncomfortable. Trust your emotions and honor yourself by following what feels like relief to you. Say no, walk away… there is no need for you to justify or explain. You are entitled to say no. You are entitled to walk away. ❀

Because of all the pain and suffering – you can become the most confident, beautiful, happy and empowered person ever🌹

It doesn’t matter what you have been through or how difficult your life might seem at the moment – you can let all of it inspire you to now become more confident, beautiful, happy, loving and empowered.

Easily said but is it really true? Is it possible? Of course it is! All it takes is a very, very small desire within you to feel better. That is all. If you have that wanting, no matter how slight, then you can do it. No matter what. It doesn’t matter if you have spent your entire life hating yourself and feeling like a powerless victim – you can become the most confident, blissful, beautiful and empowered person, now.

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents mentally abused me all through my childhood until they died – whether they ment to or not. I was sexually abused by three older boys when I was around 6 years old. I was bullied in school, I had reading and writing difficulties, I got anorexia when I was 9 years old, I was raped by two boys when I was 17. I ran away from home a few weeks after that, straight into the arms of an older guy who also had an alcohol addiction and who abused me physically and mentally for almost two years before there was a trial and he went to prison. During that time my mother died. I had no self-esteem what so ever and I absolutely hated myself, I felt like a powerless victim and even wanted to end my life. Then I got pregnant and had to make an abortion, the love of my life cheated on me and then my father died. 🀣

Somewhere around that time – when I was 24 years old – I decided that enough is enough and I felt that I wanted to feel better about myself. So, I began improving my thinking about myself and everything else and little by little I blossomed into the most confident, happy and empowered woman I had always desired to me. As a bonus, I got a job I adored and still work at, got the boyfriend I desired, got huge pay raises, got pregnant twice and had my two little babies… but all of those things are just great bonuses – the most important thing is: I feel good about myself. If I could do it, anyone can. ❀

Yes! I said no πŸ˜„

I am getting really good at saying no. This week I said no to six men on facebook and instagram who wrote inappropriate things to me. I was clear and firm with my no. When they didn’t stop – (and non of them did) I just easily blocked them. Now they will never be able to see my posts, comment or contact me again. Feels awesome! No more polite turn downs – I have a right to just say “no”. It is MY choice.

I also said no to this person who has asked me for money somewhere around ten times since September. He always asks me at night, at the same time of the month, and he always wants me to keep quiet about it. Well – no more! I said no straight away tonight when I got his message. He didn’t even bother to reply but it felt soooooooooo good to finally say no! 😊

I am loving this fresh and new approach to life, people and most importantly to myself. I honor myself by listening to what feels good to me and what feels off, if it feels off I choose what feels like relief instead. Way to go, me! πŸ˜„πŸŒΉπŸŒΉπŸŒΉ

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