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A temporary breakdown

I broke down completely today at work. At lunch time I became so sad and tears started flowing down my cheeks endlessly. There was no stopping it. I usually feel uneasy at work on Fridays but I usually handle it rather well. Not today. I actually felt so uneasy just being in the school building that I had to leave and I went straight home. I cried for over an hour when I got home but then I calmed down a little and began to feel a little relief. Just geting away from the school building helped.

Fridays are still tough for me, even though it has been almost 8 months since it happened. Sometimes I wonder if I should just move to another town, far away and start over. But, I love my job, I have wonderful bosses, kind co-workers and really awesome students. I have a nice big house and my two little babies like it here… I like it too, and I guess running away from this city will not stop all the flashbacks either. I will not give up. I am not weak, just temporarily off my balance. I will rise again.

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55 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Gaz the Human Macrophage
    May 03, 2019 @ 22:06:34

    Oh, this isn’t good. I feel for you. Please take care. Look after yourself this weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Gaz the Human Macrophage
    May 03, 2019 @ 22:06:55

    I know you will rise again and be triumphant.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. Sonya
    May 03, 2019 @ 22:12:24

    My thoughts and prayers are with you. πŸ™ Your perseverant spirit is inspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. Gav
    May 03, 2019 @ 22:42:25

    Stay strong, your an inspiration! πŸ™ŒπŸ»πŸ‘ŠπŸ»

    Like

    Reply

  5. jesusluvsall
    May 03, 2019 @ 22:59:47

    I admire you for persevering. Having a down day does not mean you are weak. It means you are still healing inside. Prayed for you.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  6. The V Pub
    May 03, 2019 @ 23:02:01

    I’m sorry, my friend. I hope that your healing accelerates and you find happiness once again ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  7. ashleyleia
    May 03, 2019 @ 23:54:13

    The amount of healing you’ve done is truly remarkable. Today doesn’t take away from that at all.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. Didis Art Design
    May 04, 2019 @ 07:08:42

    My dear friend,

    You have the right attitude: when the rider falls off the horse, he or she does not remain in the dust, but gets up and tries again to ride the horse (our mind) – you will make it, dear friend.

    Forgive and forget what has happened and enjoy the moment, enjoy those people who are around you and your two babies which are your sunshine. Just stay in the presence and try not to look backwards, this will surely help you to forget your pain.

    A big hug to you and a good time for you
    All the best, my friend
    Didi

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  9. The Muscleheaded Blog
    May 04, 2019 @ 11:25:25

    Feeling bad isn’t a sign of being weak… it’s recognizing your own pain. Keep your head up, and I hope you get to feeling better.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. emergingfromthedarknight
    May 04, 2019 @ 11:52:13

    It perfectly fine to be where you are and to feel as you feel. Crying can be such a release though I know in certain situations it doesn’t feel very comfortable. As for flashbacks its far better to face them and not run away. I have run at times in my life but it ended up solving nothing at all. Sending you love and just know you are where you need to be and feeling JUST AS YOU NEED TO. XOXO

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  11. Michelle Beltano Curtis (Capricious)
    May 04, 2019 @ 12:54:35

    I think you have the right instinct here. I have PTSD and spent much of my early life running from things that were triggers. What I really should have done was a bit more therapy where I worked to desensitize myself from some those triggers and learned other CBT techniques to manage them. Life is much better now. I hope you’re getting the support you need to work through it.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. Health Wellness
    May 04, 2019 @ 13:38:59

    Hey Joy, thank you for liking one of blog or following it I assume. I am new to this blog stuff. Whatever it is that you are going I know you shall overcome it. The keyword is β€œtemporary” not β€œpermanent” breakdown. If you need to talk I am available. That is one of many gifts since at one point of live I suffered with depression, sadness, unhappiness, fear, weakness until I started eating foods that fix that deficiency.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  13. pick1solution
    May 04, 2019 @ 18:14:26

    Is your concern you or those around you?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  14. A Pilgrim
    May 04, 2019 @ 23:17:05

    I prefer to think of it as breakthroughs and not breakdowns…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  15. Casey Elizabeth Dennis
    May 05, 2019 @ 03:25:22

    ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  16. windsofchange18
    May 06, 2019 @ 04:06:43

    I love your blog and so happy I follow you but I don’t always see your post on my feed so tonight you came up on it so I’m doing catch up I don’t know what you went through but I hope your feeling better whatever happened I’m sorry . Just take it slow one day at a time . Always tomorrow .

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  17. faithfound2019
    May 07, 2019 @ 05:48:03

    Sending you big hugs πŸ€— I have been dealing with an online bully. Hence the blog name and url change. I won’t say, stay strong, in the sense you should suck it up…but rather stay strong in persevering in your beautiful strength as a beacon of hope and inspiration for others.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  18. jupitergrant
    May 14, 2019 @ 18:23:05

    I’m sorry. Sending you a hug x

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  19. Raffaello Palandri
    May 15, 2019 @ 17:00:27

    Sending you positive vibes.
    Keep going on!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  20. parwatisingari
    May 23, 2019 @ 16:25:36

    If you want to talk feel free to call.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  21. JOY journal
    May 23, 2019 @ 21:05:59

    Have a blessed weekend!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  22. Ruthie Madison
    May 26, 2019 @ 02:09:22

    You’re a teacher? That’s awesome. I plan to teach kindergarten in Montana someday but fir now I’ll be substituting. It’s okay to have a breakdown. I have not read your about so don’t know much about you, but I can tell you this. David wrote in the psalms that God is a safe refuge to pour your heart out to. I find that many of my friends don’t understand what I am going through and went through. The only person I can cry to is Jesus. ((Hugs))

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  23. chattykerry
    May 27, 2019 @ 19:47:25

    Sending healing thoughts. ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  24. galkano
    Jun 11, 2019 @ 23:01:22

    Past is dead. Future do not exist. A very ancient formula: Be Here & Now. Practice Mindfulness. I f you Apply yourself fully into it, a Happy and Peaceful creature appears. Because it is the real you. Magic is in town,Mon Petit blondie!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  25. directorfsm
    Jun 16, 2019 @ 12:03:11

    Recovery of any kind is a long and often heart wrenching process. Families, friends and and faith helped me in my rough times. Praying you can stay the course and find your happy place too.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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