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No prison sentence and no money will ever erase that painful moment

In the lonliest of moments, in the darkest of nights, the thoughts of what happened always return. The worst part was not the pain, the humiliation or all the bruises you made on my body… the worst part was the second after I said no, when I begged you not to do it, and you just placed your cold hand firmly over my mouth while you did exactly what I feared you would do. The powerlessness I felt in that moment was the worst most debilitating feeling I have ever felt.

It has been 7 months now, and yet not a day has gone by without me having a thousand flashbacks to that moment. Not a night goes by without a painful memory that haunts me in the dark. No prison sentence and no money will ever erase that painful moment.

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37 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. cindy knoke
    Apr 13, 2019 @ 22:01:41

    I am so very sorry.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  2. Moylom Art Studio
    Apr 13, 2019 @ 22:11:09

    Hugs. It gets better. I’ve been there. Success is the best revenge! Keep writing, it’s therapy.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. Gav
    Apr 13, 2019 @ 22:13:23

    It must have taken a lot of strength to write those words so openly and honestly. With strength like that, I am sure you will learn to hold this painful memory in its rightful place, be that wherever suits you most comfortably πŸ™ŒπŸ»

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. The V Pub
    Apr 13, 2019 @ 22:15:40

    My heart goes out to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. Gaz
    Apr 13, 2019 @ 22:22:28

    The most amazing thing is your strength and positive outlook to keep on looking to the good in the future for you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. charlie
    Apr 13, 2019 @ 22:56:10

    This post took courage. I wish this had never happened to you. It happened to me too.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  7. healthhotspot9
    Apr 13, 2019 @ 23:05:05

    You have such strength. It is inspiring that you are breaking the cycle. My thoughts are with you as you heal. You are so brave to share this pain. πŸ™

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. Eduardo Mitchell
    Apr 14, 2019 @ 00:22:21

    You are brave, and you are strong. I know that because of what you have written. However, you will NOT have to live the rest of your life with the damage done to you. You can heal and grow if you set your mind to it. You can even grow beyond it. In the past, the best recoveries I’ve seen from such horrible experiences have started with group work. Meeting and talking with survivors of similar experiences can help enormously, especially when led by a talented and understanding leader. You may also benefit greatly from a counselor experienced in this area. I wish you all the best. –Eduardo

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • joypassiondesire
      Apr 14, 2019 @ 06:07:36

      Thank you. I went to a psychiatrist twice every week the first four months after it happened. She was the only one I took with me as a support person during the first trial. Because of her I am alive and feel better. I am stronger and happier, and I forgave him many many moths ago. Mostly I feel good, but a few times every week I get a few moments of sadness. I am doing really well and I am right on track. πŸ™

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      Reply

  9. Didis Art Design
    Apr 14, 2019 @ 05:37:21

    My dear friend,

    I wish that happiness and light will return into your heart and that you may be able to focus on the Now. Terrible things sometimes happen in our lives and then it is not easy at all to let go of those things that mostly tortured us. Take all your strength and believe in yourself – try to forget and forgive (easily said, but hard to put into practice).
    Sending you love and light, dear friend
    Didi

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. yesyoucan111
    Apr 14, 2019 @ 08:03:43

    IΒ΄m so sorry this happened to you. Life is not fair. But you will manage to get through this and recover again, taking back the space that is and has always been yours. I send you all my compassion and respect and a huge hug to you. /Lotta

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  11. Judith Abani
    Apr 14, 2019 @ 10:27:14

    Keep being positive. I admire your strength

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. Grounding Growth
    Apr 14, 2019 @ 12:51:13

    I have been reading your posts for a while now and had no idea what a tragic experience you had gone through. Your strength and positivity is inspiring to others and I am sure that you provide some hope for others who may have gone through a similar experience and wanted to give up. Thank you for being so honest and raw in the post, that in itself takes a lot of bravery.
    Sending you positive vibes ✨

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  13. thereluctantpoet
    Apr 14, 2019 @ 22:25:44

    Wow! Such a powerful and raw narrative of something that should never happen but did and the memories never go away!! That is the horror for the victim – memories that are never erased. Bellissimo, My Dear!
    Xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  14. jesusluvsall
    Apr 15, 2019 @ 00:47:13

    Thank you for sharing. My prayer is for your healing and that by you sharing others will be feel the strength to continue on with their lives and not let the darkness hold them down.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  15. thereluctantpoet
    Apr 15, 2019 @ 01:31:53

    Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  16. bigskybuckeye
    Apr 15, 2019 @ 03:06:02

    There are many reaching out to you with compassion and understanding. May God continue to bless you with continuing healing.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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