Once a bad guy always a bad guy? No 🌹 – he has a good heart and a kind soul

Ok this evening something happened that made me think a little. My ex, the one I moved in with when I was 17 who hit me a lot and hurt me physically and mentally for 1 1/2 years before he went to prison for what he did to me, started following me on instagram tonight. It felt weird.

I blocked him on Facebook many years ago after he sent a friend request… and I have not thought that much about him since… until two days ago when we were in Jönköping. He walked passed us when we were out shopping in Jönköping. I never even thought he would look me up and follow me on instagram though.

As I told my boyfriend about this he got really upset and said it was not ok and that I should block him immediately. But I didnt at first. Somehow I feel like I am tired of running away from my past. This was a guy I fell in love with when I was 17. A guy I lived with for 1 1/2 years. A guy who I know has a good heart and a kind soul who has been through a lot of horrible things as a child. I don’t blame him at all for how things played out when I was with him… 18 years ago. I was a completely different person back then, I had no self-esteem and I was so incredibly insecure. Of course we were a perfect match back then and our insecurities and trauma brought out the worst in us. But I don’t blame him – the fault is mine just as well.

We had our experiences together and I feel nothing but appreciation for the lessons it taught me. I want peace. I want relief. I want to let go and lovingly move on. I want to say I am sorry for everything, I want to say thank you for the experiences and the lessons and the growth I have been gifted with since this time. Thank you and I wish you nothing but peace, love and happiness in all aspects of your life. 🌹

But, after giving it some thought I decided to block him anyway. He might have good intentions and all that but for me it feels like relief to not have him following me at all.


10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Gary
    Jun 04, 2018 @ 21:30:55

    Your safety and the safety of your children is the key matter to consider when making your decision on what you must do. Given it’s your lived experience, it’s really up to you to work out, but the ramification of any action or inaction can have far-reaching consequences.
    You know you have the support and love of your followers here.

    Liked by 1 person


  2. Jack Nugent
    Jun 04, 2018 @ 21:42:39

    “But I don’t blame him – the fault is mine just as well” No. No it is not. And, I believe your judicial system agreed back then that it wasn’t your fault as well. I truly am happy for you that you feel empowered and you want to stop running from your past. But please. The past is there to give us experiences that we learn from. Learn from yours. Odds are you are right and nothing will happen. But, you can make those odds much better and just listen to your boyfriend and block the guy. Be smart. Stay safe.

    Liked by 4 people


  3. jesusluvsall
    Jun 04, 2018 @ 21:45:35

    I appreciate your heart. Please be careful though.

    Liked by 2 people


  4. All About Life
    Jun 05, 2018 @ 06:16:10

    You obviously have a huge capacity for forgiveness and i completely understand your desire to move on from the negativity of that experience. However, I don’t know your history so I’m wondering why you are putting blame on yourself for the violent behavior of someone else?

    Liked by 2 people


  5. Colors of my life
    Jun 05, 2018 @ 08:27:44

    I think we start to live our lives from the past, once we start to forgive others and ourselves, we all do bad, you rightly said, part of the blame falls on you as well. We all have a part as to what happened in the past. Ignoring our part will always tempt us to go back as to why I did it. Forgiving the other person and ourselves is the way forward.

    Children do alot of things, it’s not we should stick to their mistake, we ignore and forgive them, and they and we as parents move forward.

    Thank you for sharing your story to us.

    If I may ask one question, so these kids are from your boyfriend?

    Liked by 2 people


  6. Victor Love Secrets
    Jun 05, 2018 @ 10:59:33

    I like your posts because of your candid words..
    The past is the past, hanging on to it would make you miss the tonnes of goodies the present brings

    Liked by 2 people


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