The one thing that made me feel relief when my mother died ❤

Sometimes it just seems unfair. Today I got to know that a person that I have know for many years is going to die sometime in June/July/August. Not much time life. Why?

I remember feeling the same cold, dark quietness within me when I was 18 years old, in May 2002, when a doctor told us my mother had only a few months left to live. There was nothing they could do back then either. It was cancer then too. Why? My mom died in September that year, on 11/9 2002. 4 months after we had spoken to the doctor.

When she had died I remember feeling chocked that the world around us just kept on living, that life just kept moving forward – as if her life ment nothing. I remember how painful it was for me, how many burning tears of despair I wept… the endless black hole within me. The difficulty to breathe at night, when it was dark. The anxiety and death wish I began to feel.

I remember driving home to my parents house, spending the night going through old photographs of my mother… going through her closet to find something that I could take home with me and keep as a reminder. But nothing helped until one night, shortly after. I dreamt a very strong dream. I dreamt that I went back to my parents house again, that I went into a specific room, looked up to my right at a specific spot on a shelf, that I took down a magazine holder there and pulled something out if it. Then I woke up.

The dream was incredibly intense, felt incredibly real and was incredibly clear and detailed. As I woke up I felt I HAD TO GO AND DO WHAT I HAD DONE IN THAT DREAM. And so I did.

I went to my parents house again, went into that specific room, looked up to my right on the shelf, saw a magazine holder right where I had looked in my dream. Took it down, looked inside it and found my mom’s journal from the year when her father died (when she was in her early twenties). In it she had written exactly how she felt when her father had died and how she made herself feel relief about it.

Now THAT was an incredible experience that made me feel so much relief about my mother’s death. There is absolutely no way that I would ever have gone in to that room and looked in that magazine holder if I had not dreamt that dream. No way. I had no idea she had kept a journal from that year – she had never ever mentioned it or anything about her father’s death either. I found this simply because of my dream. I knew some how that it was a message from my mother, and that belief gave me relief.

Death cannot be meaningless, death cannot be a sentence, death cannot be a punishment – death cannot be the end.

I have come to believe that death is just a shift of perspective. Yes, you leave your body but who you really are continues to live and shine brighter than ever. I have no evidence, no facts, no stories told by dead people… just my belief. It gives me comfort, it gives me relief and it makes me feel better about my parent’s deaths, my student’s death, my friends’ deaths and everyone else’s death as well, including my own.

So yes, I felt that same dark, empty quietness within me when I heard the news today, but I also feel there is meaning in life as well as in death. There is no end, only a change of perspective. He will forever live on, this is just a transition. His pain will end and this movie called his life here on earth at this time will end too, but it is not the end of who he really is. ❤


16 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. iScriblr
    May 31, 2018 @ 22:50:29

    “Death cannot be meaningless, death cannot be a sentence, death cannot be a punishment – death cannot be the end.” – such a WISE perspective!

    Liked by 1 person


  2. ashleyleia
    May 31, 2018 @ 23:33:04

    That’s a very good way of looking at it.

    Liked by 1 person


  3. Trackback: The one thing that made me feel relief when my mother died ❤ – Timeless Wisdoms
  4. N V T E K V N G
    Jun 01, 2018 @ 00:50:06

    I am sorry to hear such bad news but to read your words is very admirable of how you view death and transition. You’re right death is never the end. That person’s legacy always lives on through you and your family.

    I remember when both my grandparents passed away, I was on their death bed and the thing that got to me was that life is so limited but at the same time so precious. It hurts at the moment but we never forget that person right?

    It’s how we live our lives and how we can impact our loved ones’ lives that truly matters and knowing how much of an impact that person has made on our lives is one way that person truly left a large legacy. They will never be forgotten.

    Still, I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 2 people


  5. sandymancan
    Jun 01, 2018 @ 04:30:36

    This stirs so many memories from the pasting of my mother from cancer some dozen years ago, it never goes away just settles waiting for the next updraft. All blessing on to you.

    Liked by 2 people


  6. corliss12
    Jun 01, 2018 @ 04:33:07

    Life is eternal, death is an illusion, not an ending but the beginning of a new chapter of experience. I know and understand about loss as I have experienced a lot of it, sorry for yours. May God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person


  7. Deborah
    Jun 01, 2018 @ 04:42:12

    Now that, was a Significant Encounter.

    Liked by 1 person


  8. All About Life
    Jun 01, 2018 @ 07:06:56

    Wonderful post! I really hope that you’re right about life just being a stop off point on our ultimate journey – it’s such a comforting thought x

    Liked by 1 person


  9. Rageshree
    Jun 03, 2018 @ 08:59:49

    You’ve written your feelings beautifully♥️ I love the last bit of it… I wish you nothing but the best experiences in the future!! Lots of love💜💜

    Liked by 1 person


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