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The one thing that made me feel relief when my mother died ❤

Sometimes it just seems unfair. Today I got to know that a person that I have know for many years is going to die sometime in June/July/August. Not much time life. Why?

I remember feeling the same cold, dark quietness within me when I was 18 years old, in May 2002, when a doctor told us my mother had only a few months left to live. There was nothing they could do back then either. It was cancer then too. Why? My mom died in September that year, on 11/9 2002. 4 months after we had spoken to the doctor.

When she had died I remember feeling chocked that the world around us just kept on living, that life just kept moving forward – as if her life ment nothing. I remember how painful it was for me, how many burning tears of despair I wept… the endless black hole within me. The difficulty to breathe at night, when it was dark. The anxiety and death wish I began to feel.

I remember driving home to my parents house, spending the night going through old photographs of my mother… going through her closet to find something that I could take home with me and keep as a reminder. But nothing helped until one night, shortly after. I dreamt a very strong dream. I dreamt that I went back to my parents house again, that I went into a specific room, looked up to my right at a specific spot on a shelf, that I took down a magazine holder there and pulled something out if it. Then I woke up.

The dream was incredibly intense, felt incredibly real and was incredibly clear and detailed. As I woke up I felt I HAD TO GO AND DO WHAT I HAD DONE IN THAT DREAM. And so I did.

I went to my parents house again, went into that specific room, looked up to my right on the shelf, saw a magazine holder right where I had looked in my dream. Took it down, looked inside it and found my mom’s journal from the year when her father died (when she was in her early twenties). In it she had written exactly how she felt when her father had died and how she made herself feel relief about it.

Now THAT was an incredible experience that made me feel so much relief about my mother’s death. There is absolutely no way that I would ever have gone in to that room and looked in that magazine holder if I had not dreamt that dream. No way. I had no idea she had kept a journal from that year – she had never ever mentioned it or anything about her father’s death either. I found this simply because of my dream. I knew some how that it was a message from my mother, and that belief gave me relief.

Death cannot be meaningless, death cannot be a sentence, death cannot be a punishment – death cannot be the end.

I have come to believe that death is just a shift of perspective. Yes, you leave your body but who you really are continues to live and shine brighter than ever. I have no evidence, no facts, no stories told by dead people… just my belief. It gives me comfort, it gives me relief and it makes me feel better about my parent’s deaths, my student’s death, my friends’ deaths and everyone else’s death as well, including my own.

So yes, I felt that same dark, empty quietness within me when I heard the news today, but I also feel there is meaning in life as well as in death. There is no end, only a change of perspective. He will forever live on, this is just a transition. His pain will end and this movie called his life here on earth at this time will end too, but it is not the end of who he really is. ❤

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Are you living the life of your dreams? Are you having the body you desire?

Are you choosing words that strenghten you? – words of praise, appreciation, likes, approval, optimism, fun and love…?

Or are you choosing words that weaken you? – complaining, worry, fear, disbelief, negativity, hate and pessimism…?

The words you speak, the thoughts you think and the concersations you have with others – no matter the topic and no matter how true or justified you are in what you are saying – either strenghten you or weaken you.

It is way more than just words! It is practiced focus of your energy. Are you letting it flow freely or are you blocking it?

If you are not sure – just look around you. Are you living the life of your dreams? Are you having the body you desire? Are you happy? The answers will let you know how you have been using your thoughts and words so far – up until this moment.

But what you are living can change, it can improve – and it starts with the thoughts and words you choose.

After a day full of talking and listening

Start approving of yourself ❤

A mini pool and lots of fun in the sun ☉

It has been almost 30 degrees celcius today, a magnificent day to spend outside all day. We went out at 8am and stayed outside until 5pm. We had lots of fun and we even bought a mini pool which my babies loved to play in.

We also visited our neighbour who also has a mini pool.

An awesome day. I hope you have had a magnificent day as well.

We are feeling good 😎

Magic happened while I was sleeping because when I woke up this morning I felt really good again! No fever, no nausea – just pure energy and eagerness to get the day started. We spent the entire morning outside, I did some work in the garden while my baby boy helped me out.

I felt so good I even worked out! Felt awesome.

Tomorrow I will go back to work again and my baby boy will go back to the day care centre.

Enjoy your day.

Interesting health quote 🌱

We are doing rather well 🌱

I am blessed for having the opportunity to just stay in bed all day. This experience will strenghten my immune system. I have been able to drink a few glasses of rice milk today, and kept it so far which is awesome. I feel my strenght returning, slowly but steadily. I even went up and took a shower an hour ago. This is going great and I look forward to an entire day at home tomorrow too. 🌱

8 days of fever and now the flu ❤

This is the first time in my life that I have been this sick for so long. I usually get sick once or possibly twice a year but then it is nothing more than an easy, common cold. I always manage to go to work anyway.

This year I have been really sick every month since January – so weird. Right now I am on day 8 with fever. It started out last week with a high fever, an eye infection and a terrible cold – but it just didn’t want to go away and last night I started throwing up and I feel completely worn out this morning.

This is totally new for me and an excellent wake up call that I have to love myself more and be kinder to myself. I am going to stay home from work today and tomorrow, possible even the entire week. I will not stress about this but let my body take its good time to heal. ❤ All is well here and I listen with love to my body’s messages.

Take care today. 🌹🌹🌹

A great reminder ❤

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