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Being nice and polite is not always right – a painful childhood memory

This is something I have never written about before, and only a few people know about this. When I was around 7 years old I loved taking my teddy bear (actually a panda) out for a walk in my red toy-stroller. My parents allowed me to walk around the block alone, which only took 5-10 minutes. One cold but sunny day when I was out doing this, all alone, a foreign man approached me. I guess he was around 45-50 years old, dark hair and tall. It all happened so quickly. He gestured toward me that he wanted me to come to him, and I wanted to be polite so I obeyed. When I was close to him everything about him changed, he quickly placed his hands on either side of my face and forced my face close to his and kissed me. I still remember his tongue pressing into my mouth and the strong minty flavour of his mouth. I panicked, I was trapped and I didn’t know what to do. No one was around, no one saw us. His car was just a few meters away and he grabbed my hand saing “come” and gently tried to pull me to his car. Somehow I managed to get my hand back, shook my head no and began walking very quickly in the direction of my home. He called after me, as I turned my head to look at him, he gave me a blow kiss in the air and he still gestured that he wanted me to come back to him. I soon began running and tears were streaming down my face. I told my mother what happened the minute I got home and she rushed out to our car and went to find this man. She never did. She went to the police but they never found him either.

In this situation I tried to be nice and polite. I stopped when he approached me and wanted to talk to me. I didn’t scream, kick or bite – I was too chocked and afraid to do anything.

๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน

The event that happened tonight with the old man who has begun stalking me and who approached me in an uncomfortable way two days ago triggered this memory to return.

Not once did I write about this in my book or on my blog. I think I have only told this to two or three people, and it was probably 10 years ago.

There are millions of memories in my past, just like this one, that I never speak of. I tell people about some of the other things that have happened to me, like that my father was an alcoholic, that I was sexually abused at the age of 6 by three older boys, that I was bullied in school, had reading/writing difficulties, had anorexia, was raped by two boys when I was 17, ran away from home, lived in an abusive relationship for almost two years, my mother died when I was 18, my father died a few years after that and much more.

I kept all these things a secret within me the first 20-something years of my life. Never told anyone what was happening to me. Now that I have begun sharing my story a little (I am 34 years old now) I realize there are so many more pieces in this puzzle, so many more events that I have kept hidden for so long.

It actually feels refreshing to get it out in the open and finally letting it go. I will no longer carry these heavy secrets within my heart, I will let them go and finally be free. โค Stay tuned for more memories that I will let go of – which I may choose to share, or not. In either case I will no longer keep them hidden within me, I will open my heart and set them free.

I will no longer sacrify my own wellbeing in order to be kind, polite and well-behaved. I refuse to fit in, I refuse to be ashamed, I refuse to feel guilty, I refuse to blame. Instead I embrace myself, trust myself, value myself, honor myself, support myself and love myself in the process of letting these memories go.

Thank you dear rascal for triggering this memory in me, thank you for inspiring me to once and for all stop being so bloody nice and start valuing and trusting my instinct. ๐ŸŒน

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36 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Andrea Harris
    Apr 24, 2018 @ 22:17:07

    I have much in common with you. I too have walked through life with repressed memories. Yet, somehow, a day would come that God or the universe or whatever you choose to believe in, brought them back. I always believe they are handed back when I am prepared to finally handle them. What I couldn’t face at 10 was faced at 40. I had the tools to manage the events then. I had the strength to walk back through them and get to the other side…which of course is healing. It is never an accident when a painful memory is exposed. It just means your time has come to heal it and release it.

    Liked by 1 person

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  2. Patty Richardson
    Apr 24, 2018 @ 22:27:22

    So very sorry about the memories, the recent encounter has brought up. Sending you healing thoughts and energy . Please be careful! ๐Ÿ’œ

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  3. Simon
    Apr 24, 2018 @ 22:41:43

    You should never have had to go through all that. Your thinking is true. Bring nice sometimes gets us into more trouble.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. ashleyleia
    Apr 24, 2018 @ 23:12:10

    Thank you for sharing. I can see how what happened tonight would be really triggering. You are so strong, both then and now. โค๏ธ

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. The Realist
    Apr 25, 2018 @ 05:37:50

    “Not once did I write about this in my book or on my blog” – Are you writing a book? ^_^

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • joypassiondesire
      Apr 25, 2018 @ 08:25:18

      I wrote a book 2014 – and published it in 2015. It is called “From no self-esteem to total self-empowerment, how to feel good and improveme your life” by A. Svรคrd. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜Š It is avaliable on all book selling sites so go check it out if you feel inspired to. I wrote it only during a couple of weeks, on my phone actually. ๐ŸŒน

      Liked by 1 person

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  6. Didis Art Design
    Apr 25, 2018 @ 05:41:51

    Awful experience, dear friend
    Do not fall again in this trap with that stalker you mentioned yesterday. It was indeed strange enough that he wanted to come for a cup of tea or coffe saying it to your boyfriend.
    Be very strict with this person. Otherwise go to the police and tell your story there โ€“ he maybe is know there tooโ€ฆ
    So take care, my friend, not to fall again in such an awful trap.

    All good wishes
    Didi

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  7. cauliflowerthoughts
    Apr 25, 2018 @ 06:21:03

    A very nice write Joy..your right…sometimes it’s better to talk about stuff than keep it within…I have a lot of stuff too…but I guess I am too scared to voice it out..But thanks for sharing. Gives me a new perspective.

    Liked by 1 person

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  8. kalaniyb
    Apr 25, 2018 @ 06:21:05

    it is a painful story that you have decided to let go of and that needs courageโ€ฆ sometimes, when we keep things to ourselves the pain gets accumulated within and attract similar incidents until we acknowledge what we went throughโ€ฆ we need to tell ourselves that what we went through is enough and come out of that downwards spiralโ€ฆwish you to have all the blessings to find peace withinโ€ฆ

    Liked by 1 person

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  9. Nathi
    Apr 25, 2018 @ 07:09:55

    I’m glad you found the strength to get it out and not carry the weight of such memories within you. And usually being nice or polite gets us into more trouble than we like to admit.

    Liked by 1 person

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  10. myworldview721
    Apr 25, 2018 @ 09:06:13

    I wonder that since you were abused in various ways when younger, that perhaps these modern day predators can ‘sense’ your psychological / spiritual damage. Maybe you still project an easy / victim like status, that people such as these can pick up on.
    Maybe psychological counselling / or reading, for you would help to deal with your past, to rebuild self esteem / self confidence, and help you to project a strong, non victim status. Wishing you well. Thanks for checking out a recent post, I’m glad you enjoyed it.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • joypassiondesire
      Apr 25, 2018 @ 09:59:52

      Thank you so much for taking the time to comment, I really value it. I have come such a long way on my journey. I began improving my thinking 11 years ago and I did it all by myself. I went from feeling like a powerless victim and having no self-esteem to feeling empowered, happy, free and confident. I am litterally a totally different person today compared to the one I was 11 years ago.

      And yes, I agree completely. I am still on my journey, I still have lots to work on and ofcourse I still attract these kinds of situstions. I am still far too nice and kind for my own good. ๐Ÿ˜Š

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  11. bunsareallthatyourequirehere
    Apr 25, 2018 @ 13:04:32

    Iโ€™m so sorry about what happened to you. No one deserves that. But remember, youโ€™re an inspiring individual and a fighter.

    Like

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  12. sharolina123
    Apr 25, 2018 @ 13:24:34

    Wow! You are incredibly brave for sharing this side of your life, I can identify with some of what you have experienced, but have yet to share it. Very well written, you’ve earned yourself a new follower! Sx ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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  13. Rebecca
    Apr 25, 2018 @ 21:49:22

    I agree with you so much. I’ve been there too. My heart aches for the little girl you were, and let’s raise our own girls to say No and it’s okay to lie (remember adults telling you that lying is bad? I got myself into trouble by being too honest, even though I knew something wasn’t right) if it helps them stay safe, or get to safety.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • joypassiondesire
      Apr 25, 2018 @ 21:52:41

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this, truly valuable. Yes, saying no and lying are actually really good skills, skills we are most likely not taught at home. ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒน

      Like

      Reply

  14. righteousbruin9
    Apr 26, 2018 @ 00:41:30

    While I am greatly saddened that such dreadful things have happened to you, I am glad you are casting the lead balloons away. I trust you will not allow such things to happen to your daughter and that your son will be raised to treat girl and women with every ounce of respect. Saying no is every person’s right.

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  15. Tanya Kohl
    Apr 27, 2018 @ 16:58:40

    When I was in my early teens, my friend and I would go walk around the mall near where we lived. At some point I noticed a man following us and I kept seeing him when we went to the mall. I even saw him near my home once. No one believed me. Luckily I stopped seeing him but I never forgot how scary that was! Thank you for sharing. I never told anyone except my husband either. I know you’ll believe me!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  16. Gaurav kumar singh
    Apr 29, 2018 @ 16:05:03

    It’s a good thinking to u….
    And u are right……good

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  17. Hyperion
    May 12, 2018 @ 22:36:40

    I can tell you are a very kind person, probably quite empathetic to others. That often causes these moments when predators sense kindness as a vulnerability in someone. But, this is also a rare and beautiful character trait in these days of isolation and rising narcissism. The secret is giving to those who deserve your kindness and also return it. Kindness to others is not a weakness but her companion is a strong and careful warrior.

    Liked by 1 person

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