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Why would such a beautiful girl like me hate myself for over 30 years and have no self-esteem? Here is why:

I got such a brilliant question today and here is my answer:

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents mentally abused me. I was sexually abused when I was 6 years old by 3 older guys, I was bullied in school, had reading and writing difficulties, had no friends, developed anorexia (an eating disorder) when I was 9 years old, had no friends during my entire school years, was raped by two guys when I was 17, ran away from home two weeks after that because my father’s alcohol abuse was insane and my parents were so verbally mean to me, I ran straight into the arms of a guy who physically and mentally abused me for over two years until he was sentenced to prison for it. During this time my mother died. I had to go through the two trials all alone – I had no one. I was completely alone, no friends and no one in the world that I could talk to. I did not want to live anymore – I even tried to take my own life. Then my father died, I got pregnant and had to make an abortion…and the man of my dreams cheated on me and lied about it for over a year until the truth came out in the most painful way ever… somewhere there, around the age of 24, I decided that enough is enough and I chose to change my thinking. I started working on liking myself. I did it all by myself – I never told ANYONE about any of these things that happened to me in my childhood/teenage years. It was not until I was almost 30 years old I began talking about it.

So, I guess this answers your question on why such a beautiful girl like me, hated myself for almost 30 years and had absolutely no self-esteem 🀣❀

How you FEEL has nothing to do with the way you look. I had my desired, dream body, but I hated myself and had no self-esteem for almost 30 years. Beauty does not mean confidence. You cant see how you feel, it is 100% about your own thinking – and you CAN do something about that. If I could, all by myself, anyone can. 🌹❀

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143 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lawrence Illoc
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 07:20:40

    You are exceptionally strong and brave person. Not everyone can come out of a situation similar to yours. The inner strength that you have is amazing.
    What destroyed my self-esteem and more was the fact that I had been fired. I am working to get it back but it is very to do so for me without a job. Thank you for sharing your intimate experiences and writing this inspiring post. Peace

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  2. Auroraboros
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 07:47:15

    I echo Lawrence’s sentiment here. You are truly amazing. It is impossible to see what you feel, you are correct, but you have done a superb job of conveying at least a fraction of that to us in your writing, and the feeling that shines through is rich in spirit and will, but also steeped in pain and tragedy. I thank you from the bottom of my heart of for sharing yourself as you do. You enrich the world by doing so.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  3. Eva O'Reilly
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 07:50:16

    I wholeheartedly agree with the other comments. You seem like an amazing person, so incredibly strong to have come through all this and stand tall at the end of it. I wish you every joy ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. Andy
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 08:42:49

    ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. mandymwords
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 09:13:30

    Oh my! No one should have to endure what you’ve been through. You’ve brought tears to my eyes and I want to hug you. I have not been on this site for long but I’m so glad that I took the plunge, especially when I find inspirational and strong bloggers like you. This post is heartfelt and I hope that you have found love and support. You certainly seem to have lots of friends on here and I am happy to be included in that circle. (((Hugs)))

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • joypassiondesire
      Apr 15, 2018 @ 09:52:58

      Thank you for your kind words, I really love the appreciation. I have become my own best friend, I am a lone wolf and I like it that way. My two babies are my everything and my writing is my way to keep working on feeling better. ❀ I am so happy that others find value here too.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  6. stoner on a rollercoaster
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 09:52:24

    I couldn’t survive half if that.
    You are an amazing person and so inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing πŸ€—πŸŒ»

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  7. soiba
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 10:00:44

    You’re a perfect example of bravery and optimism!
    Not everyone can handle life the way you handled yours. My prayers and wishes are with you and I love how you project the wave of positive thoughts among your friends too πŸ™‚
    Stay blessed xx

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  8. Pooja Thapliyal
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 10:34:37

    You are so brave . Hugs and blessings to you for a beautiful life ahead.. πŸ™

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  9. ashleyleia
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 13:43:17

    Yours is such an amazing story of recovery ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. Alexis Rose
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 14:19:10

    This is a very brave and inspirational post. I’m so sorry for all the pain you went through, and so happy that you are in a better place now. Big hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  11. Princess Sotelo
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 14:27:25

    Hi, Maam. You are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story.
    Anyway, i am Princess Sotelo from missprincessblogs. Thank you for liking my post “Guard Your Heart”. Oh, I would love to connect. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. milfordstreet
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 14:34:01

    That is such a spot on point. Beauty and how you feel are not linked. I’d not have known any of what you had suffered had you not shared it. I’m sorry for all you had to endure. I really appreciate who you’ve become and the effort that it took. Blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  13. Trackback: Why would such a beautiful girl like me hate myself for over 30 years and have no self-esteem? Here is why: | Success Inspirers World
  14. superheroes009
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 15:22:52

    Wow!!! I salute you for the courage and remarkable verve for life and it’s spirit you possess πŸ™ŒπŸ™πŸ‘. Seriously!! πŸ˜‡. And what a timing..!! You liked my today’s post, that is totally south of the ordeals you went through…!! I revere you for who you are.. , I do!! 😊😊. Tons of good wishes to you..πŸ’›

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  15. Tink the Belle
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 15:55:55

    Instead of blaming everyone and everything like most people would have done, you took responsibility for your life and chose to live. Not easy, I admire your tenacity, and applaud your courage, and you earn my sincere respect πŸ’«πŸ’Ÿ

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  16. Timeless Classics -- Poetry by Ana Daksina
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 16:08:14

    Sounds like some real healing is going on in you! Yay! You certainly have helped enough people to it!

    Reblogging to sister site Success Inspirers World

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  17. Tahir Ali Khan(Official)
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 18:30:01

    Provided one has a strong will

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • joypassiondesire
      Apr 15, 2018 @ 18:32:43

      Believe me, I did not. Yet I managed to turn my entire life around. It took a lot of time, I am still on my journey. All it takes is a small inner sparkle that you want to feel good again. ❀

      Like

      Reply

  18. Tahir Ali Khan
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 18:37:19

    Indeed. You look like a person who can do wonders on his/her own. Welldone

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  19. Tahir Ali Khan(Official)
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 18:39:12

    You look like a person who cando wonders on his/her own if others fail him/her

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  20. Hilary Tan
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 19:05:51

    I just did a project for university and the scenario that the prof gave us was literally the story that you told. I haven’t personally met anyone who has been abused like this, but my parents were/are alcoholics so I can relate to that part, and I am an only child and have nobody to rely on either. I live alone. If you look at my photo, and it doesn’t appear that way but nobody really knows my current struggles and what I’m dealing with. I may blog about my daughter’s chronic disease and my long distance relationship in future blogs… your post makes me want to expose a piece of my vulnerability to the world too. My advice to you is to rid yourself of all of the toxic and abusive people in your life. Let them go. Move across the country. Volunteer during your free time. When you do find the right guy you will just know, I don’t know how to put it in words. And most importantly, create your own happiness, which is what you’re doing. You’re on the right path to recovery and I wish you all the best. ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • joypassiondesire
      Apr 15, 2018 @ 19:20:59

      I am so happy you decided to comment my post, thank you for your kind words of appreciation! 🌹🌹🌹

      I would love to read more posts from you too, thank you again. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • Hilary Tan
        Apr 15, 2018 @ 19:39:29

        Thank you so much for following me and giving sereneluna some love πŸ’• I really appreciate it! I look forward to reading more of your posts too! A break away from studying for exams πŸ˜‡

        Liked by 1 person

  21. The Realist
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 20:21:14

    Spellbound!!! You are an inspirational model. I must say you should start giving motivational speeches along with your current job. You can bring change in a lot of lives by improving them for good.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • joypassiondesire
      Apr 15, 2018 @ 20:22:52

      That is my dream – I would love to reach out to many people around the world and inspire them to find their own empowerment. ❀❀❀ Thank you for sharing your appreciation again ❀❀❀

      Like

      Reply

      • The Realist
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 04:11:30

        I wish your dream come true. After having talked to a lot of people around the globe, I can say this world needs a lot of motivation. Stronger people are suppressing the weak and they fall into the vicious trap of low “self esteem-subdued behavior-suppression-low self esteem”. They need help to break out of this circle.

        Liked by 1 person

      • joypassiondesire
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 05:50:32

        And it is so easy to break this cycle once a person realizes that all the love, power, strenght, freedom, self-esteem, happiness and so on, is within! ❀

        Like

      • The Realist
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 13:28:19

        I completely agree with what you said but recognizing all these things within yourself is not an easy task when you are surrounded by dominant people.
        It becomes easy when someone helps you realize your strength and sparks a fire to break out of this circle. People like you helps others realize their own strength and motivate them for a better life.
        I would love to meet you when I visit Sweden. It would be my pleasure to interact with a personality like you.

        Liked by 1 person

      • joypassiondesire
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 13:52:03

        Yes, I was completely alone and broken – without even a trace of self esteem. I made the transformation all by myself and yes it took a lot of time and effort, I felt like giving up a million times, but I did it. It is possible.

        Thank you so much for your sweet appreciation! 🌹🌹🌹

        Like

      • The Realist
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 14:04:21

        I said it is difficult, but not impossible. πŸ˜›
        A lot of people give up on life and accept their fate. You are an exceptional person. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      • joypassiondesire
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 14:19:32

        So true, beautifully said. 🌹

        Liked by 1 person

  22. jesusluvsall
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 21:23:44

    I am glad you are thriving not just surviving what you endured. Hope you continue to share and be a light for people who suffer. Prayed for you today to feel God’s love. God Bless

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  23. aconscious.life
    Apr 16, 2018 @ 03:19:45

    #Metoo Thank you for your strength.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  24. Jonathan Caswell
    Apr 17, 2018 @ 21:27:07

    Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    ONE NEED NOT DO IT ALL BY ONESELF, WHICH SO FEW OF US CAN—NEED SOME GOOD NEWS–! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  25. Jonathan Caswell
    Apr 17, 2018 @ 21:29:53

    My wife and I needed Someone outside of ourselves…few can do it otherwise. Glad for you–that mountain is like climbing up through razor blades–not so easily done by most! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  26. Miss A
    Apr 21, 2018 @ 17:36:59

    Good on you for being able to talk about it. I guess the thought process it’s a work in progress . Thanks for sharing ! You are an exceptionally strong woman

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  27. Reach Vida
    Apr 21, 2018 @ 22:33:41

    Happy to see people surviving after all these somewhat unexplainable bad things hapenning in life. Your story made me cry so much but I am so glad to see such a strong woman like you. Congratulations to your kids!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  28. janetbettag
    Apr 23, 2018 @ 16:06:50

    I am so glad you found the courage to leave those horrible past events behind you and seek a new and better life. Here is what I write when people ask me to sign my book, NORMAL. “When faced with adversity, we have a choice: remain a victim or become a warrior. Battle on!” I think that so aptly applies to what you have written here. You CHOSE to be a warrior instead of a victim. I think of you as a warrior-princess who is destined to do great things.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  29. consistency768203202
    Apr 24, 2018 @ 04:59:03

    Thanks for sharing your story. You have amazing inner strength! Your courage is remarkable!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  30. joleenreynolds
    Apr 26, 2018 @ 19:09:25

    Beautiful girl πŸ’• thank you for sharing your authentic truth. A true inspiration of how your struggle becomes your strength.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  31. drjackie1
    Apr 30, 2018 @ 17:42:40

    Thank you for liking my post about the benefits of awareness. You are truly aware of your inner goodness and personal power. The past is behind you, with only the future–as you shape it–before you. Light and Love to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  32. myforever77
    May 02, 2018 @ 16:50:30

    I clicked “like” but don’t like what happened to you, but love your waking to change your attitude about yourself. You are not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  33. purelysimplewords
    May 04, 2018 @ 22:47:15

    You are a strong person, intelligent and a wonderful writer. Thank you for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  34. avonbeautyandmentalhealth
    May 08, 2018 @ 01:30:25

    Inspiring! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  35. Doc Arnett
    May 11, 2018 @ 11:43:00

    I have become keenly aware of the distinction between self-confidence and self-worth. One can have a very strong notion of “what I can do” and yet a very low notion of “what I deserve.” Thank you for using the pain of your journey to speak to others.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  36. suz418
    May 15, 2018 @ 11:57:48

    My daughter has dealt with low self esteem, anorexia and ocd since high school………it is an awe full way to live…always thinking you are fat,ugly and if you don’t exercise that day ,you are the pits..Having her daughters has helped with the food part……………she has to think of someone else and her boyfriend helps..he does most of the cooking so they eat healthy…her dad was an alcoholic and always paid attention to my son and she tried to be perfect to get his attention with was a major cause of the anorexia. Thank you for your thoughts

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  37. JOY journal
    May 17, 2018 @ 19:42:38

    Prayed for God’s absolute best for you and your children today. The world can be an ugly place. I’m glad you are choosing joy in spite of the difficulties you have faced.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  38. Ezinne Okorie
    May 18, 2018 @ 07:31:25

    wow, you are so brave because you single-handedly took yourself from where you were to where you are now

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  39. www.tourismobserver.com
    May 18, 2018 @ 16:05:40

    Joy thank you for sharing your horrible experience. Sigh of courage and selflessness.

    Just accept that many other people have had worse experiences

    Live a good life.

    Paul
    http://www.tourismobserver.com
    http://www.tourismobserver.WordPress.com

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  40. tinamjackson
    May 19, 2018 @ 06:24:43

    Thank you for having the courage to write about your experiences. I’m sorry that you had that kind of life. I’m glad you are working on healing yourself. The only person we can truly depend on is ourselves.Treat yourself how you should have been treated from day one. Hugs!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  41. kwd
    May 22, 2018 @ 04:36:59

    I get it. Thanks for liking my post.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  42. Girija Shettar
    May 23, 2018 @ 10:17:26

    Hey there, thanks for your like on my story about M Markle. Your story is really really inspiring, and I love the smiley faces you put even after you’ve just said how your life crashed. :)) That’s great spirit. All power to you.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  43. Ricardo James
    May 24, 2018 @ 16:09:01

    I might of missed so if I did forgive me, but someone was praying for you during all of this. It’s because of Jesus you are thriving now!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  44. myralarsen
    May 24, 2018 @ 16:58:05

    Your story makes me shudder. Many people could learn from your determination to overcome a dreadful life. My husband is extremely concerned for women who live in danger. He is working to manufacture a special device for home safety. Keep watching my site. I will post information when his website, under development) is up and going.
    Be strong. Be safe. You have an amazing future. MyraSaidIt

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  45. walkingtooneness
    May 27, 2018 @ 10:26:53

    Hey Joypassion, are you coming to the Meetup about the Jesus-Prayer? Greetings, Peter., stellaazul@gmail.com

    Like

    Reply

  46. Francey Jesson
    May 27, 2018 @ 15:38:37

    Very moving and very inspiring. I think it is wonderful that you have found a way to love yourself, and in a very short time, in my opinion. To have gone through all you went through to learn to get beyond it by 30 is truly remarkable. You are obviously very strong. Thanks for sharing your story.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  47. K E Garland
    May 29, 2018 @ 00:51:37

    I so understand this! Glad to see you’ve found out how to love yourself from the inside out.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  48. TheSamMcLeod
    Jun 02, 2018 @ 16:11:21

    It takes such strength to write words that must have evoked difficult memories. Kudos to you lady, very brave. I always smile when I get a notification that you’ve written something new, good work.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  49. Ro
    Jun 13, 2018 @ 19:27:11

    Please consider following my blog. You may find some answers there. http://Www.dailyupper.wordpress.com

    Rosalie

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  50. authorstephanieparkermckean
    Jun 14, 2018 @ 16:42:25

    Powerful, powerful, powerful. May God bless you and grant you comfort and peace and bring about all your dreams. You are wonderful and amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  51. cgdtaylor
    Jun 15, 2018 @ 07:21:11

    Thank you for your courage and guidance.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  52. mygichuru
    Jun 16, 2018 @ 18:21:48

    People like you inspire me to be who I am today. So I appreciate you, and I am wholly grateful you were born.
    Also, thanks for liking my free trailer post. It is my first article so getting somewhat of a support is very encouraging. I can’t stress this enough but you, your blog give have given me a beautiful discovery of sense of self and I thank you. In all languages I speak I will thank you(thats English), Asante (Kiswahili) Danke (German) and Gamsahamnida(korean). Keep up the awesome work

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  53. Rachel
    Jun 16, 2018 @ 21:20:51

    Wow, that is an amazing testimony! So encouraging. You are so strong. Many people would have gone crazy and stayed in a mental house if they endured half of what you went through!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  54. Kathy Treny
    Jun 17, 2018 @ 08:37:58

    I totally agree with you – we have so much power (inside) but it takes practice, it takes patience and it takes unwaivering faith that yes if you change your thoughts you can change your life. Our thoughts are our biggest power and we get to choose them!! Or be abused by them. We always have that choice. I know this to be true. But am human and thus still stumble and fall. The most important is the decision to get back up each time, brush off the negativity and self doubts and go forward knowing that ‘life is good’. Thank you for sharing your story, it is an inspiration to us all.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  55. ellenanneeddy
    Jun 25, 2018 @ 21:18:31

    Bless you, love. I’m always astonished at the hard battles other’s face. I wish I knew one beautiful girl who knew she was beautiful and just took it in stride. We are not raised that way.
    My story is not much different than yours except in two regards. I did have excellent help. Friends and a decent therapist I went to for 15 years. But you are right at the core. If we don’t decide actively to love ourselves, no one else’s love matters. Star in your crown! You found your way.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  56. Sarah Al-Haddad
    Jun 26, 2018 @ 04:44:57

    Thank you for talking about mental health, even though it must be hard. The more people talk about it, the more it’s normalized.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  57. parttimethoughts
    Jun 26, 2018 @ 15:23:39

    The only thing that comes to my mind reading this is “that u are super BRAVE” and yeah!beauty doesn’t means confidence but confidence sure means beauty! Kudos!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  58. Phil Sovdi
    Jun 29, 2018 @ 02:46:03

    Wow! Such a story of triumph. Our thinking makes such a difference.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  59. Sisyphus of Atlantis
    Jun 29, 2018 @ 14:04:33

    Cool blog.

    I have to admit I clicked b/c you had a stereotypically β€œhot” profile image. But I’ve heard many stories like yours, or even worse ones, and I always wonder – okay, you say you’re past it, you’re empowered now, but how did you let go of the cynicism?

    I mean, stuff got better for you – I see you’ve got a child, but is that all that matters? It’s fine if it is, I’m just curious. For me, I feel like no matter where my life goes from here (I’m down in the dumps), I could never forget or forgive anyone or anything. I’m also not exactly eyecandy, so even if I changed how I viewed life, people wouldn’t look at me any differently, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  60. futureofreading707761451
    Jul 03, 2018 @ 16:21:50

    Your strength is impressive and inspiring. I hope others in your situation can see from your example that they can find a way forward even if they have no one but themselves to rely on.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  61. Reflection In The Mirror!
    Jul 05, 2018 @ 21:09:13

    Hi, you are awesome and truly that is what it takes to even get the ball rolling a person has to make a committed decision to want the change it is the only way that they will be successful in changing their lives and situations. I am proud of you for changing your paradigm and life by changing the way you think about yourself and the world around you in general. β€œGreat article.”

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  62. Raymond Hogue (Booey)
    Jul 06, 2018 @ 23:39:53

    I experienced abuse also. I am so glad to hear you were able not to let your experiences define who you Truly ARE.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  63. susiesopinions
    Jul 14, 2018 @ 02:57:05

    So sorry to hear about your life. I had an alcoholic father, and a mother with mental health issues. She tried to commit suicide. My first husband was an alcoholic also, and put a knife to my throat, and threatened to kill me.

    At age 70, I go to the gym every day, do boxing, lifting weights, flipping tires, Zumba, etc., and love myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • joypassiondesire
      Jul 14, 2018 @ 07:33:39

      Thank you so much for sharing your story with me! I am going to follow your blog, such an inspiring and empowering woman you are! Beautiful!!! πŸ’–πŸŒΉπŸŒΉπŸŒΉπŸŒΉ

      Like

      Reply

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