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Why would such a beautiful girl like me hate myself for over 30 years and have no self-esteem? Here is why:

I got such a brilliant question today and here is my answer:

I grew up with an alcoholic father and my parents mentally abused me. I was sexually abused when I was 6 years old by 3 older guys, I was bullied in school, had reading and writing difficulties, had no friends, developed anorexia (an eating disorder) when I was 9 years old, had no friends during my entire school years, was raped by two guys when I was 17, ran away from home two weeks after that because my father’s alcohol abuse was insane and my parents were so verbally mean to me, I ran straight into the arms of a guy who physically and mentally abused me for over two years until he was sentenced to prison for it. During this time my mother died. I had to go through the two trials all alone – I had no one. I was completely alone, no friends and no one in the world that I could talk to. I did not want to live anymore – I even tried to take my own life. Then my father died, I got pregnant and had to make an abortion…and the man of my dreams cheated on me and lied about it for over a year until the truth came out in the most painful way ever… somewhere there, around the age of 24, I decided that enough is enough and I chose to change my thinking. I started working on liking myself. I did it all by myself – I never told ANYONE about any of these things that happened to me in my childhood/teenage years. It was not until I was almost 30 years old I began talking about it.

So, I guess this answers your question on why such a beautiful girl like me, hated myself for almost 30 years and had absolutely no self-esteem 🀣❀

How you FEEL has nothing to do with the way you look. I had my desired, dream body, but I hated myself and had no self-esteem for almost 30 years. Beauty does not mean confidence. You cant see how you feel, it is 100% about your own thinking – and you CAN do something about that. If I could, all by myself, anyone can. 🌹❀

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65 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lawrence Illoc
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 07:20:40

    You are exceptionally strong and brave person. Not everyone can come out of a situation similar to yours. The inner strength that you have is amazing.
    What destroyed my self-esteem and more was the fact that I had been fired. I am working to get it back but it is very to do so for me without a job. Thank you for sharing your intimate experiences and writing this inspiring post. Peace

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  2. Auroraboros
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 07:47:15

    I echo Lawrence’s sentiment here. You are truly amazing. It is impossible to see what you feel, you are correct, but you have done a superb job of conveying at least a fraction of that to us in your writing, and the feeling that shines through is rich in spirit and will, but also steeped in pain and tragedy. I thank you from the bottom of my heart of for sharing yourself as you do. You enrich the world by doing so.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  3. Eva O'Reilly
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 07:50:16

    I wholeheartedly agree with the other comments. You seem like an amazing person, so incredibly strong to have come through all this and stand tall at the end of it. I wish you every joy ❀

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  4. Andy
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 08:42:49

    ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. mandymwords
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 09:13:30

    Oh my! No one should have to endure what you’ve been through. You’ve brought tears to my eyes and I want to hug you. I have not been on this site for long but I’m so glad that I took the plunge, especially when I find inspirational and strong bloggers like you. This post is heartfelt and I hope that you have found love and support. You certainly seem to have lots of friends on here and I am happy to be included in that circle. (((Hugs)))

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • joypassiondesire
      Apr 15, 2018 @ 09:52:58

      Thank you for your kind words, I really love the appreciation. I have become my own best friend, I am a lone wolf and I like it that way. My two babies are my everything and my writing is my way to keep working on feeling better. ❀ I am so happy that others find value here too.

      Like

      Reply

  6. stoner on a rollercoaster
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 09:52:24

    I couldn’t survive half if that.
    You are an amazing person and so inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing πŸ€—πŸŒ»

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  7. soiba
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 10:00:44

    You’re a perfect example of bravery and optimism!
    Not everyone can handle life the way you handled yours. My prayers and wishes are with you and I love how you project the wave of positive thoughts among your friends too πŸ™‚
    Stay blessed xx

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. Pooja Thapliyal
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 10:34:37

    You are so brave . Hugs and blessings to you for a beautiful life ahead.. πŸ™

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  9. ashleyleia
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 13:43:17

    Yours is such an amazing story of recovery ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. Alexis Rose
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 14:19:10

    This is a very brave and inspirational post. I’m so sorry for all the pain you went through, and so happy that you are in a better place now. Big hugs to you!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  11. Princess Sotelo
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 14:27:25

    Hi, Maam. You are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your story.
    Anyway, i am Princess Sotelo from missprincessblogs. Thank you for liking my post “Guard Your Heart”. Oh, I would love to connect. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. milfordstreet
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 14:34:01

    That is such a spot on point. Beauty and how you feel are not linked. I’d not have known any of what you had suffered had you not shared it. I’m sorry for all you had to endure. I really appreciate who you’ve become and the effort that it took. Blessings.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  13. Trackback: Why would such a beautiful girl like me hate myself for over 30 years and have no self-esteem? Here is why: | Success Inspirers World
  14. superheroes009
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 15:22:52

    Wow!!! I salute you for the courage and remarkable verve for life and it’s spirit you possess πŸ™ŒπŸ™πŸ‘. Seriously!! πŸ˜‡. And what a timing..!! You liked my today’s post, that is totally south of the ordeals you went through…!! I revere you for who you are.. , I do!! 😊😊. Tons of good wishes to you..πŸ’›

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  15. Tink the Belle
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 15:55:55

    Instead of blaming everyone and everything like most people would have done, you took responsibility for your life and chose to live. Not easy, I admire your tenacity, and applaud your courage, and you earn my sincere respect πŸ’«πŸ’Ÿ

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  16. Timeless Classics -- Poetry by Ana Daksina
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 16:08:14

    Sounds like some real healing is going on in you! Yay! You certainly have helped enough people to it!

    Reblogging to sister site Success Inspirers World

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  17. Tahir Ali Khan(Official)
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 18:30:01

    Provided one has a strong will

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • joypassiondesire
      Apr 15, 2018 @ 18:32:43

      Believe me, I did not. Yet I managed to turn my entire life around. It took a lot of time, I am still on my journey. All it takes is a small inner sparkle that you want to feel good again. ❀

      Like

      Reply

  18. Tahir Ali Khan
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 18:37:19

    Indeed. You look like a person who can do wonders on his/her own. Welldone

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  19. Tahir Ali Khan(Official)
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 18:39:12

    You look like a person who cando wonders on his/her own if others fail him/her

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  20. Hilary Tan
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 19:05:51

    I just did a project for university and the scenario that the prof gave us was literally the story that you told. I haven’t personally met anyone who has been abused like this, but my parents were/are alcoholics so I can relate to that part, and I am an only child and have nobody to rely on either. I live alone. If you look at my photo, and it doesn’t appear that way but nobody really knows my current struggles and what I’m dealing with. I may blog about my daughter’s chronic disease and my long distance relationship in future blogs… your post makes me want to expose a piece of my vulnerability to the world too. My advice to you is to rid yourself of all of the toxic and abusive people in your life. Let them go. Move across the country. Volunteer during your free time. When you do find the right guy you will just know, I don’t know how to put it in words. And most importantly, create your own happiness, which is what you’re doing. You’re on the right path to recovery and I wish you all the best. ❀️

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • joypassiondesire
      Apr 15, 2018 @ 19:20:59

      I am so happy you decided to comment my post, thank you for your kind words of appreciation! 🌹🌹🌹

      I would love to read more posts from you too, thank you again. ❀

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • Hilary Tan
        Apr 15, 2018 @ 19:39:29

        Thank you so much for following me and giving sereneluna some love πŸ’• I really appreciate it! I look forward to reading more of your posts too! A break away from studying for exams πŸ˜‡

        Liked by 1 person

  21. The Realist
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 20:21:14

    Spellbound!!! You are an inspirational model. I must say you should start giving motivational speeches along with your current job. You can bring change in a lot of lives by improving them for good.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • joypassiondesire
      Apr 15, 2018 @ 20:22:52

      That is my dream – I would love to reach out to many people around the world and inspire them to find their own empowerment. ❀❀❀ Thank you for sharing your appreciation again ❀❀❀

      Like

      Reply

      • The Realist
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 04:11:30

        I wish your dream come true. After having talked to a lot of people around the globe, I can say this world needs a lot of motivation. Stronger people are suppressing the weak and they fall into the vicious trap of low “self esteem-subdued behavior-suppression-low self esteem”. They need help to break out of this circle.

        Liked by 1 person

      • joypassiondesire
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 05:50:32

        And it is so easy to break this cycle once a person realizes that all the love, power, strenght, freedom, self-esteem, happiness and so on, is within! ❀

        Like

      • The Realist
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 13:28:19

        I completely agree with what you said but recognizing all these things within yourself is not an easy task when you are surrounded by dominant people.
        It becomes easy when someone helps you realize your strength and sparks a fire to break out of this circle. People like you helps others realize their own strength and motivate them for a better life.
        I would love to meet you when I visit Sweden. It would be my pleasure to interact with a personality like you.

        Liked by 1 person

      • joypassiondesire
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 13:52:03

        Yes, I was completely alone and broken – without even a trace of self esteem. I made the transformation all by myself and yes it took a lot of time and effort, I felt like giving up a million times, but I did it. It is possible.

        Thank you so much for your sweet appreciation! 🌹🌹🌹

        Like

      • The Realist
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 14:04:21

        I said it is difficult, but not impossible. πŸ˜›
        A lot of people give up on life and accept their fate. You are an exceptional person. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      • joypassiondesire
        Apr 16, 2018 @ 14:19:32

        So true, beautifully said. 🌹

        Liked by 1 person

  22. jesusluvsall
    Apr 15, 2018 @ 21:23:44

    I am glad you are thriving not just surviving what you endured. Hope you continue to share and be a light for people who suffer. Prayed for you today to feel God’s love. God Bless

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  23. aconscious.life
    Apr 16, 2018 @ 03:19:45

    #Metoo Thank you for your strength.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  24. Jonathan Caswell
    Apr 17, 2018 @ 21:27:07

    Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    ONE NEED NOT DO IT ALL BY ONESELF, WHICH SO FEW OF US CAN—NEED SOME GOOD NEWS–! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  25. Jonathan Caswell
    Apr 17, 2018 @ 21:29:53

    My wife and I needed Someone outside of ourselves…few can do it otherwise. Glad for you–that mountain is like climbing up through razor blades–not so easily done by most! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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