Only 17 years upon this earth ❤ – life is so much more than all the external things

Many years ago a student I cared for a lot decided to end his life. I had alerted the principal almost a year before it happened that this boy was not feeling alright. They did everything they could for him. I cared for him a lot and the last 6 months my class was the only class he came to. He really liked me and I felt he truly respected and appreciated me.

My last memory of him was an afternoon just before a holiday. He came up to me and asked me if he could speak to me, privately. I said “of course” and we went into an empty room next to the school library. We sat there and spoke for a while. I could tell he was going through a lot of mental challenges and that he was very depressed. But some how I felt hopeful about him as I spoke to him. His last words to me before he left was “Can I get a hug?” And I replied “Of course you can!” And then he hugged me for a long time before he left. I never saw him again. About a week after that I got a call from the principal and she told me he had committed suicide a few hours before she called me. It brought me to my knees. The emotional pain was unbearable.

It was millions of times worse than any other loss I had ever experienced before. My mom died from cancer when I was 18 and my father died from a heart attack when I was 24 – but this was more heart breaking somehow. This beautiful, brilliant, talented and kind student had only been living 17 years upon this earth – and had already decided to end his life.

It took me a lot of time before I could move beyond the emotional pain and make peace with his choice. I believe he was in a lot of mental pain during the most part of his life. He had talked to professionals several times about how he felt, he had been given anti-depressants for a long time… but nothing he did truly brought him lasting relief. I know he had taken drugs and done other destructive actions in order to sooth himself… but nothing really helped him. He was lost in his own despair – and this was his way out of his pain.

I do believe in life after death. I do believe we are all good and loved and eternal. I do believe he found relief. I feel that he appreciates what I did for him and I know I will meet him again.

His death taught me that life is so much more than everything you do, than your age, than your friends, than your family, than your experiences. What matters most in life is not any of the external things but how you feel within.

You will forever be in my heart ❤


18 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. sonofabeach96
    Jan 31, 2018 @ 21:29:18

    I lost one of my best friends to suicide. It’s been over 25 years now, but it still hurts to this day. He left no note, gave no indications. Just poof, gone. 😔

    Liked by 1 person


  2. thelonelyauthorblog
    Jan 31, 2018 @ 21:30:44

    Tragic that someone so young would end their life. This was a. sad but good post.

    Liked by 1 person


  3. Gary 'Gaz' Lum
    Jan 31, 2018 @ 21:33:33

    Thank you for sharing your experience. Such an awful thing and I expect almost everyone has been touched in some way at some time by someone who has chosen to end their life because of pain and suffering. As much as there is this pain, I appreciate the way you ended this post with the optimism you bring to life. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person


  4. Timeless Classics -- Poetry by Ana Daksina
    Jan 31, 2018 @ 22:12:36

    Reblogging to Success Inspirers World

    Liked by 1 person


  5. Trackback: Only 17 years upon this earth ❤ – life is so much more than all the external things | Success Inspirers World
  6. harotianessentials
    Feb 01, 2018 @ 00:20:33

    Thank you for sharing ❤️

    Liked by 1 person


  7. Andy
    Feb 02, 2018 @ 08:50:55

    A guy who was an old school friend took his own life a couple of years ago after suffering from depression for many years. I remember the priest at his funeral saying that “what he died from was illness, just the same as those who die from cancer or other such illnesses.” And this is true. Whatever the root cause it is a difficult fight to make. Added to the tragedy was that his funeral took place on what would have been his fortieth birthday. 17, 40, still too young. I hope the fact that you brought some comfort in his short years gives you solace, and like you I’m convinced you’ll see him again too.

    Liked by 1 person


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