When you are screaming with pain on the inside, and smiling on the outside ♡

I listened to Linking Park quite a lot when I was going through my darkest moments when I was 17-20 years old. On Thursday I heard about what happened, I know he has finally found relief. ♡

Numb is a wonderful way to describe how I was feeling. All the things I had been through – sexual abuse, physical abuse, been bullied, anorexia, alcoholic parent, death of my mother, had no self esteem, ran away from home straight into the arms of a man who physically and mentally abused me for almost 2 years until he went into prison… and lots more… 

All of it had me SCREAMING with pain on the inside but smiling on the outside. Almost every inch of me had lost all hope and wanted to die – I even tried to kill myself once when I was 19 years old but could not go through with it. There was still a small part of me that wanted to live.

This is me when I wad 16 years old. Not a happy teenager. No one understood what I was going through, I had no one.

I continued alone and it was not until I was 24 years old after another anorexia episode, the death of my father and more that I finally decided I wanted to change my life. And I did. I did it all by myself and I managed to go from feeling like a helpless victim to a person with radiant self-esteem who fell in love with life. From that point on everything changed for me. I got my dream job, met the man I desired most of all… I got pregnant and gave birth to my two little angels. ♡ 

All of these external things are beautiful but what really matters is how I feel on the INSIDE. That was what I changed FIRST and that made all the difference.

That is why my burning passion now is to show other people that no matter what you have been through, you can change your thinking and feel good again. ♡


4 Comments (+add yours?)

    Feb 15, 2018 @ 10:16:13

    Man you have survived through a lot just from reading this post

    Liked by 1 person


  2. Claire Samuel
    Apr 26, 2018 @ 10:41:55

    “no matter what you have been through, you can change your thinking and feel good again” YES to that sister! Thank you for empowering us all.
    Have a great day,

    Liked by 1 person


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